The Sabbatical

It has been 3 months. Many a times it happened that I was walking and had an idea. Was driving and saw a beautiful view and a poem born inside my mind. Or was just lying around and tried adding up the feelings inside me to make a clear picture of what’s actually happening. Wanted to write those things. Wanted to write the strong emotions one feels while reading a book or meditating in middle of hot humid day. There are so many things that one thinks of doing, of pursuing, of accomplishing. But there are so many contradictions in our lives that later when we think about those things and remind ourselves that we haven’t done either of those things, it just seems funny because life has still gone on, and not that we really missed those things. Perhaps that’s the ultimate thing to do. To go on without worrying of the undone or repenting about what we have done in our lives. Perhaps nothing is indispensable. But may be I am wrong. But I am not anymore afraid of being wrong. Fall down. Get yourself up. Mark out your faults. Learn from them. Make new mistakes. Learn again. No need to get everything right the first time. You aren’t here to take a degree HOME. You are here to live.
Don’t die before you die.

Blah Blah…. I need to get drunk 😛

Or may be not. This feeling is already intoxicating \m/

Mmmmmmmmmwaahhh!!!

>I LOVE YOU SHAI!!!

>

“To forgive is vanity, To avenge is show off, To stop caring about either, is true salvation.”

 Don’t ask me… I did NOT sit down to write this. I was expecting myself to write about something that can be of a better use to me when i read these pages someday. Really, it has been ages since I read and remembered how this blog started, why it started. I never actually did care if anyone reads my scribblings. Okay, I did. But not that much as I expected myself to. I am confusing myself now. The whole point of Blogging is to share your thoughts with the online world, right. Or maybe I do not care enough if I get read or not. PR-2, not bad for an occasional writer. Anyways, I wonder when I would ever start writing poems again. May be I need inspiration. Perhaps I should travel, or get interested in something I can think about. May be photography. Wonder when I would save enough to get my SLR. When I started planning, twas a dSLR 3000. Now its 3100. Wonder if ever.

Naah… I will. Even if it comes down to 4900 :p

PS:- Loved Dhobi Ghat. Love you Kiran Rao for making the movie. Aamir, you were mediocre, but so you were supposed to be given the role you had wasn’t much important for the movie. Prateik’s acting was very natural and LOVED SHAI…. well… I should say I almost fell for you :p

>NOT DECIDED :-/

>

Sometimes we are so involved in things that we forget to remember the eternal truth that one day, sooner or later, it WILL have to end. And we will have to make a way through the woods, face hard times, be devoid of what we so badly love and would give anything for. Perhaps then, it is not much surprising that we are hurt and long for the past to return once it has gone.

Will write more… Will edit this… But for now… just this much

Back as promised, though I can bet my life that there has been a sort of 180 degrees shift in my mood and motive of this post since I started.

Was talking to a friend and she started asking about my past(read my ex girl friends) and one thing led to another and I ended up telling her a much shorter version of the story I could never post here. Not of much value in this world where there are much more serious things to be discussed upon and problems to be worried about. Still, at the end of those two hours, felt like have gone back to that day when I was so prone to loneliness that I almost got depressed. Almost missed you for a moment. Almost cried for you. Almost. 🙂

Hokay…. So that was me betraying myself and trying to distract me from my original motive of this post. But in a way it strengthened me more by telling myself that I CAN gather myself before crumbling and do the damage control much more efficiently than ever before :p. I perhaps even cracked a joke or two. Not that I don’t feel, but I understand reality much more clearly than I feel. So I am able to “co-op” with it. And perhaps this would be one of most important lessons for me on  “HOW NOT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT GONE THINGS”

PS:- NOSTALGIA’s A BITCH! 😛

>Huh…

>

6 baje duty pe jana hai aur janaab abhi 4:30 mein finding neverland dekh rahe hain…dekho dekho…subah mein neend aaye to halla mat machaana!! 😐

PS:- I hope its worth it! :p

>26 And Rolling

>

I think I would not be able to recollect how many time I have taken up the HERCULEAN TASK of writing this post in last 1 month or so, but what I can tell without an iota of doubt is that I always found myself at loss for the words to begin with. Might have an inspiration to start this off with the issue itself ;).  I have learnt that if we keep ourselves from doing things we always wanted to do, just because of some problems in our way and wait for the storm to subside, then perhaps the whole picture will be changed when the fog finally settles down. Its better to commit a mistake than the act of doing nothing and be sitting ducks.

Big words. LOL. I thought the same till I found out that the gone year was one dedicated to hard, stern and hurting decisions; to some new beginnings and some odd endings. Odd enough but not unjust. It was perhaps the fitting way to bid adieu to 2010 by closing all the matters for once and all. I felt hurt, it did hurt, I won’t lie. But it felt the right thing to do. And perhaps I have finally found the courage to make decisions for myself, rather than be sitting ducks and wait for the RIGHT TIME to come.

1 year has gone by @ Vizag, the one they call The city of destiny .I sometimes wonder which way my destiny will take me, but I am not afraid of it anymore. I might not be getting my MBA degree anytime soon, but I will be getting one thing that is way more better than that; My own insight into things that I never even dreamt of, an brand new experience; and that’s the reason I am not anymore afraid of the roller coaster ride or the dull, muddy roads destiny might have in store for me. I am going to enjoy every punch they throw at me and will make sure to return the favour.

PS:- Living in your own fla does make you feel way better and grown up than being in a hostel, though it comes at its own cost, the humane companionship. But then, friends are never far away if you want them close 🙂

PPS:- Back to my cooking days again!!! And it rocks!! \m/

PPPS:- I turned 26 on 1st 🙂 Yayyyyy

>Not like this

>Well well well…. This should be treated as a disclaimer:- I am writing this pos t in an extremely inebriated state of my physicla senses(but not my mind) and perhaps this can stgand as a contender to my purest contender as for my true feeliungas:-

I have my first ever pack of scotch which I personally earned today.
Pics will be uploaded soon, irrespective of your interest in them.
Also, I broke my 8 months dry spell today, with not the best what I had in mind, but still much much better with what I had in mind, so its sort of what I had in my mind…. confusing na :p

I search my heart,for a feeling for you,
I find a loneliness, abandoning even my faith in love,
I wished for the life, I always wanted to live,
I got the irony, in which a atheist(in me) wants to believe,

I wish it could have been the reality, even when I hate the very thought of it,
I want to trust the history, not withstanding the consequences that follow it

………Well..I just dont know what to write next…… help me if u CAN…. I am sorryh for this but I just cant write anything…. 😦

>WE

>

Touching your soul was best thing I had,

Wasn’t a dream, I wasn’t anymore just a lad,

You were full with joy and fresh like dew,

Wondering how did I ever found you,

Dazzled with your glitter and shine,

It felt as if I was on cloud nine,

Sure was heaven, when you looked at me,

And there was no place that I wanted to be,

Still remember those days, the times we had,

Still makes me happy, and sometimes a little sad,

But don’t you worry, for it will always be there,

The tears, the joy and the time we shared.

>:)

>”Never fear the consequences/ fear what will happen. cos what you fear may/will really happen. But life does not stop. “

Just a stolen quote from Namrata 🙂 Might look simple to many, still has a lot to learn from ….

>TOPIC???

>In the beginning I started writing because I wanted to vent out a lot of things. Perhaps more than I thought there was to drain down. Perhaps not. Then somewhere down the line, it sort of became a responsibility to do so. To deliberately find out something that can be blamed upon. I started looking for people or situations or things to blame to, just for the sake of telling myself that I still have to drain away things. Unaware that I was creating a black hole that can never be satiated. Forgetting the RIGHT way to live. And when I say RIGHT in CAPS, I mean it. I messed up due to something that should have been rather the best thing in my life, atleast till now.

I realized something was wrong with me, or better say, my way of looking at things. That was the reason I stopped writing. Damn! I stopped so many things. Some for good, some for bad. Hope the good ones will continue while I can sort out the bad ones. 1 thing is sure, I know I was looking for the wrong thing in name of love. Its not what is to be asked for or searched for. After all of this suffering I have understood I was wrong and have started afresh again, looking for nothing. Atleast I wont be blaming anyone or anything for it, and most important, no one will get hurt. So now its Navneet Kumar only, no nicks anymore. Its time I let the ghost of my past go away. That’s it. To everyone who thinks I wronged, I am sorry. And yes, I know you’re reading it. I dunno how, but somehow I just know. I don’t love you anymore. And I don’t hate you. Am glad IT happened, and am sorry IT happened. Goodbye.

On other things, Not getting leave for diwali, so most probably will be eating idlis and dosas this diwali, instead of choley, poori,kheer, and the gujiyas… 😦 Everyone will be there, wish I could go. On the other hand, it might just as well as be a blessing in disguise. Might get to visit some friends in Bangy. I have never been there, want to see how the city treats me… :p

Job’s good, money’s good, health’s good, head’s finally going good and most importantly, I do think I can afterall become a good person, the one I always hated. 🙂 Life’s strange.

Later.

PS:- Still dont have a topic for this. 😐

>666

>The greatest trick devil ever pulled off was to convince the world that he didn’t exist.

See you soon. 🙂

>My Last Blog Post

>This will be my last post on this blog. Although this has not been among the most read ones, I would still like to thank everyone who ever had been here and showed their support. I had a reason to start this blog more than a year ago, and though what I started to achieve is far from being achieved, I have learnt a lot and perhaps sometimes you just move on. It has been very hard for me to move on, from so many things. I think I am thinking too much or writing too way ward, but this is my last post and this is one liberty I would like to gift myself.

This last post marks the end of many things. Many things that I used to think were mine, were destined to be mine. I have learnt it that sometimes we have to just let go and accept the defeat. Perhaps there is some courage in doing that too rather than fighting a long lost battle. I still have dreams, and perhaps one day some will come true, but I am tired now. I do not want to run after them anymore. If “IT” is there, I will get it. Else, no point in hurting myself anymore.
Though I have not accomplished what I wanted to, this blog sure has served its purpose of teaching me something greater than that. And that’s the fact that this is the way life teaches you things.

I am thankful to you people who have at times liked my posts and my poems. I will perhaps continue to write in future, but the unfinished story of my life will have to remain unfinished. Its better that way. I would perhaps hate finishing it now. I know I never really concentrated on it. Perhaps its too late to write about something which happened 10 years ago. Perhaps I should think of something else to write… I know these might seem just like excuses and may be they are just excuses, but still I am done with it. The urge to write that story will die its natural death. Afterall, nothing lasts forever, perhaps not even love.

>Backkkk

>Learning to survive again. Forgot it somewhere down the line. But its all coming back. And yes, I WILL GET THROUGH THIS! I WILL SURVIVE!!!

\m/

PS:- England cant win sala!! :p

>This is IT!

>So finally back from the hospital 😆 funny life…

And I used to think that finally my ordeals are over…..that finally I had the person I would have loved to spend my life with, to share my happiness and woes…

lol…. Life proves me wrong everytime …lol…

This thing has become a sort of Deja Vu to me :p keeps happening again and again….

I pray from my heart that I never fall in love again. It’s already a fucked up life. I do not want any more heartbreaks.

PS:- Did something today which was stupid and I will never forgive myself for it. Did it coz was silly enough to think that it would get me some attention. 🙂 So naive of me….. SO NAIVE…

U need to grow up dude….   they just do not deserve you…. grow up or fuck off….

>For You :p

>

So those eyes just lifted up, and looked at me in a huff,
The frown was there, still all I saw was love,
In those lovely big eyes, I saw the anger was fake,
coz no matter what she said, her eyes showed no hate,

They sparkled all bright, like stars twinkle in night,
And defied all the anger, taking away all my plight,
Oh..What I wouldn’t give away, to get her just one sight,
Would fall down in any abyss, and go up to any height,

If only she says, would do anything for her sake,
And would bear all the pain, more than anyone can take,
Will swim down the oceans,rivers and even the lake,
To prove that my love’s true, to show there’s nothing fake

>I G N O R E D

>Yeah that’s how you feel when you have loads to talk about and you have NO ONE. Today, I have NO ONE.

PS:- I wish you read this. 😦