>Not like this

>Well well well…. This should be treated as a disclaimer:- I am writing this pos t in an extremely inebriated state of my physicla senses(but not my mind) and perhaps this can stgand as a contender to my purest contender as for my true feeliungas:-

I have my first ever pack of scotch which I personally earned today.
Pics will be uploaded soon, irrespective of your interest in them.
Also, I broke my 8 months dry spell today, with not the best what I had in mind, but still much much better with what I had in mind, so its sort of what I had in my mind…. confusing na :p

I search my heart,for a feeling for you,
I find a loneliness, abandoning even my faith in love,
I wished for the life, I always wanted to live,
I got the irony, in which a atheist(in me) wants to believe,

I wish it could have been the reality, even when I hate the very thought of it,
I want to trust the history, not withstanding the consequences that follow it

………Well..I just dont know what to write next…… help me if u CAN…. I am sorryh for this but I just cant write anything…. 😦

>Please make me sleep…for god’s sake!

>Yes… its true… i cant sleep now 😐 not a bit…eyes are paining and straining..but m either reading novels or watching movies…worse…playing video games…why cant i just go and sleep….its been almost 5 days 😦

>:'(

>:'( nothing more…

Dun ask me what this stands for… it stands for nothing… atleast to someone its nothing.

>SAd? hApPy? ???

>Listening to the song…”O ri duniya” from Gulaal… and believe me, it can make anyone wonder about lots of things with eyes wide open 😐

>:p

>MUMBAI… I AM COMING :p yAYYYYAAYYAYAYAAAYYAAA

>Why

>Why it happens that the ones you care for most often hurt u and leave u lost?

M so fucked up right now…. dunno whom to tell how m feeling… :(( want to scream…

Dunno when people will stop being so hypocrites… 😦

>I Dunno y!

>I am confused right now….confused about my feelings today 😦 Perhaps I need to grow up….or perhaps I need to mature a lot more…may be I am still in need of something that can hold me… The amount of alcohol has nothing to do with my state 😐 I am simply  ecstatic 😀 I perhaps need most of me….perhaps I need to be more with myself…. 😦

May be I am drunk…may be I am in need of sm1….may be I dun need anyone!

I dunno why…. I need to be more than this,,,, 😦

>Sorry

>Well… I am not writing my already late v-day post…. I have lost the motivation for I no longer believe in its basic requirement, love. I have saved the draft and may be someday I will write it again. Someday may be, but certainly not today.

Sorry.

>……….

>..
…………..
Well…Fuck you, world!

Fuck you!

>pics from goa

>

>So are you suffocating?

>
hmmm… Nice title…what you think? I think it is pretty good. Nice way to start a rather controversial issue. Well, not everyone agrees with me, but then, I never ask anyone to. :p

Back to the topic again, “Are you suffocating?” I mean, I am not talking about that cigarette that you smoked 37 minutes ago, neither about how you are feeling in the loo this early morning. No…. I prefer to talk about them rather straight forwardly . Arghhhhh…ok ok..

When was the last time you really felt at peace with her/him without wanting to feel so? I mean, you should not be looking for internal satisfaction, it should be always there, right? I have seen many relationships; not to forget some of mine too; where either one or the both of the participants(well a rather crude term to use, but then, lets be frank here at least) were just pretending so much to show the other one that they were happy that they almost forget the real meaning of happiness. It is not something which takes a ticket and catches a train, so that it can reach to you at a specified time and place. I hope you do not have that notion of happiness.

So do you feel a longing inside you even now? Despite having so many parties to attend together, how many times do you have dinner together on a non-party day? Is the relationship only meant for parties? I mean okay, in Indian context I am not going to be focusing much on Live-in relationships(though I want to, and I promise will write on it someday), still having a dinner with your better half is no more a taboo in Indian culture!! At least I do not think so! So, tell me, despite him doing so many “cute” and “sweet” things for you, how many times it had been the case that you have expected him to show some more love and were disappointed, only to put up a face still smiling and never telling him how you felt. You’d rather tell your inner self that everything is okay and it is the way life goes. Does it?? Is it what you wanted 1 year back? Are the scenarios same? Are you afraid of talking to him about the issues on your mind? Or are you too afraid of letting go of the stability in your life? Afraid of feeling like a loser?

For guys, I think I can explain your agony with your loved one much better as I am a guy(yes…stop grinning). “Why was her cell busy despite her telling about her studying and not being able to talk to me”, or “Is there someone else”, or “Why is she behaving so strange” to “Why she always starts the same issue…I told her there is nothing between me and my ex!!!” . Remember something??? :p Yes…that’s the way with guys, they will think all this, and will never ask the other one just because they are too afraid and insecure about making things worse than they already are. Wake up guys, it is the best thing to mouth your fears rather than accumulating them inside which often results in bizarre results. It is never wrong to say what is in your mind…never

So .. all I want to say is that do not suffocate… rise up and say what is inside your mind…if the other person loves you so much as both of you think, there should not be any space for such holes in a relationship which suck away all the melody from it.