Category: promises

>I stand by the bridge,
looking at the river, the sun going down,
vehicles running madly by my back,
people getting lost in this vast town,

I try to remember, I look into my mind,
Its hard to find the way,I feel as if I am blind,
I see the reflections,I search for water to find,
Only to be lost in the desert, only with sand in in my hand,

The sheep are going to the woods,
They don’t know what for!!!
They are habituated to be directed,
Dunno how to go to the “forbidden” land,

I also see the birds,flying high in the sky,
Oblivious of my pain, unable to hear my cry,
I see the beauties passing by,playing and singing loud,
They see the shining sun,ignorant of the giant cloud,

Finally I see myself, looking back at me,
A smile on “his” face, “he’s” asking me to be free,
He removes his clothes, and gets off his shoes,
And jumps into the river, swims free while the wind blows.

>Well…. 😦

I miss u idiot!

hmmm… Nice title…what you think? I think it is pretty good. Nice way to start a rather controversial issue. Well, not everyone agrees with me, but then, I never ask anyone to. :p

Back to the topic again, “Are you suffocating?” I mean, I am not talking about that cigarette that you smoked 37 minutes ago, neither about how you are feeling in the loo this early morning. No…. I prefer to talk about them rather straight forwardly . Arghhhhh…ok ok..

When was the last time you really felt at peace with her/him without wanting to feel so? I mean, you should not be looking for internal satisfaction, it should be always there, right? I have seen many relationships; not to forget some of mine too; where either one or the both of the participants(well a rather crude term to use, but then, lets be frank here at least) were just pretending so much to show the other one that they were happy that they almost forget the real meaning of happiness. It is not something which takes a ticket and catches a train, so that it can reach to you at a specified time and place. I hope you do not have that notion of happiness.

So do you feel a longing inside you even now? Despite having so many parties to attend together, how many times do you have dinner together on a non-party day? Is the relationship only meant for parties? I mean okay, in Indian context I am not going to be focusing much on Live-in relationships(though I want to, and I promise will write on it someday), still having a dinner with your better half is no more a taboo in Indian culture!! At least I do not think so! So, tell me, despite him doing so many “cute” and “sweet” things for you, how many times it had been the case that you have expected him to show some more love and were disappointed, only to put up a face still smiling and never telling him how you felt. You’d rather tell your inner self that everything is okay and it is the way life goes. Does it?? Is it what you wanted 1 year back? Are the scenarios same? Are you afraid of talking to him about the issues on your mind? Or are you too afraid of letting go of the stability in your life? Afraid of feeling like a loser?

For guys, I think I can explain your agony with your loved one much better as I am a guy(yes…stop grinning). “Why was her cell busy despite her telling about her studying and not being able to talk to me”, or “Is there someone else”, or “Why is she behaving so strange” to “Why she always starts the same issue…I told her there is nothing between me and my ex!!!” . Remember something??? :p Yes…that’s the way with guys, they will think all this, and will never ask the other one just because they are too afraid and insecure about making things worse than they already are. Wake up guys, it is the best thing to mouth your fears rather than accumulating them inside which often results in bizarre results. It is never wrong to say what is in your mind…never

So .. all I want to say is that do not suffocate… rise up and say what is inside your mind…if the other person loves you so much as both of you think, there should not be any space for such holes in a relationship which suck away all the melody from it.

And as she prepared, to move away,
He searched for words,something to say,
She looked at him, trying to smile,
He realised, they had only a while,

He remembered, the time they spent,
Smiling he wondered, “What that meant”,
She gathered strength, to face the things,
“No more heartaches, No moody swings”,

They wondered inside, how to live their lives,
But none said a single word,there were no cries,
Though they were parting,it was no parting away,
But they must face this,they didn’t have a say,

He thinks of her,perhaps even she does,
He wants her back, not that now it matters,
The love is gone, the dream is gone,
He is drenched in rain,standing all alone

>Well…. After trying so hard for a stable job and and coming this close to being selected, the distance still proved the decider for me….

Its done now.

MBA season 2009

>She saw him walking away,
Full in anger,
She heard the curses he muttered,
He sure meant them, whatever,

He wished she wouldn’t have done such things,
Never thought it will come down to this,
He never called her anything bad, not even mean,
He simply walked away with a tear in his eyes, that always remained unseen.

>Well, i know we have never been friends. We have never been anything but everything. I miss you girl. I know you can’t be here. You are thousands of miles away and perhaps we will never meet. Still I miss you. I want to talk to you for hours. I want to tell you about what I have learnt in all these years. I know perhaps you don’t care, still, I don’t either.

I just want to hug you one more time and look into those eyes forever. I want to see you. Only if you were here in India. I’d have come to see you by today’s train. If Only …

>Someone once told me that live life as it comes and don’t worry about tomorrow. “Jo hona hai hoga hi, abhi to achhe se reh lo”. Well, you were wrong sweetheart, you were damn wrong. It’s not like that. I understand why you used to tell me this though. Because you were planning to end it soon. That’s why you wanted me to understand that we had no future. You just wanted a casual relationship, nothing more. That’s why you were so damn afraid of a commitment. Really yaar, how clear things become when you start using your mind and looking for the reasons and signals. It was all there, but I was too blind to see it. If only I had known your intentions, I’d have never let you have that much control over me. Anyways. Thank god its over, I do not have to deal with a fake person anymore. Thank you sweetheart.

>Again unable to sleep. Anyways, not that it matters to me, but yes, it does bother.

There has to be something wrong with me. I should better know what it is.

Anyways, have been watching a lot of movies these days apart from the dirty competition on PG that’s going on. Ahhh… let’s not talk about it atleast here.
Movies, yes!!! Mrs. Parker and the vicious circle, Down to you, Matilda, Rookie and many more. One word, AWESOME… Being alone with 5 other people is an art I have mastered in these two years in Mumbai. Not that I complain. I do not enjoy their company a lot. Only reason I am here is the cheap rent and a very well maintained society and environment. I do not know how long will I keep myself with these people. No one talks to me these days. They are too busy with themselves. They enjoy together, but yes, without me. They laugh together, but be morose when I am there. I know they do not like me, very few do for that reason!!!

I do not complain. But yes, I do wish to stop suffocating. As a result, I have indulged myself in things. Reading, studying, writing, learning a new language(am working on it) and getting myself to know myself. Quite a list na? I also thought the same. But with all day at your hand, this is the least you can do.

The Mrs. Parker movie was one that touched me most. A perfect example of an innocent person gone crazy, then wrong, then insane and finally back to her senses. I loved the way things turned around in the movie. May be I portrayed myself as the central character. Nothing to be ashamed of!!! We all do fantasize, don’t we?

Well, I have been thinking about the girls I have been with and have concluded that I am a flirt. I am good to be with, bad to live with. I do not know if my girl friend will understand this, but again, I think we might as well find a way around it. After all, who thought two days ago that the insanity refueled inside me will be dormant again. It is sleeping now, atleast for the this moment. And yes, it will take something very extraordinary to rekindle it. I do not see anything extraordinary happening in my life any soon. So, no worries for the time being friends.

I do have these thoughts and when at a later stage, I put my mind at peace and think of them, I wonder what on earth was I thinking about!!! It is not something that I control, it is like I become possessed. Possessed by a desire of giving up everything, destroying everything I have, just for the sake of a glimpse of her. Good that I do not have any picture of her or I would be wanting more!!! Its best to keep fire and petrol separate, huh? It has a mind of its own, it decides things I should be doing and how I should be doing them. It is a wise devil, just the way I am. May be it is my sub conscious mind(or whatever they call it) which compels me to do such things. Anyways, the demon is sleeping now, and for a very long long time.

That is my fear. It is just sleeping. It is still inside me, down in that dark box.

>I will crack CAT and get into an IIM. Promise. And this time I won’t break the promise, for a change.

I am creating this new TAG “IIM” just for this one reason.

It is my dream now.It is my passion now.

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