Category: navneet


>I LOVE YOU SHAI!!!


>

“To forgive is vanity, To avenge is show off, To stop caring about either, is true salvation.”

 Don’t ask me… I did NOT sit down to write this. I was expecting myself to write about something that can be of a better use to me when i read these pages someday. Really, it has been ages since I read and remembered how this blog started, why it started. I never actually did care if anyone reads my scribblings. Okay, I did. But not that much as I expected myself to. I am confusing myself now. The whole point of Blogging is to share your thoughts with the online world, right. Or maybe I do not care enough if I get read or not. PR-2, not bad for an occasional writer. Anyways, I wonder when I would ever start writing poems again. May be I need inspiration. Perhaps I should travel, or get interested in something I can think about. May be photography. Wonder when I would save enough to get my SLR. When I started planning, twas a dSLR 3000. Now its 3100. Wonder if ever.

Naah… I will. Even if it comes down to 4900 :p

PS:- Loved Dhobi Ghat. Love you Kiran Rao for making the movie. Aamir, you were mediocre, but so you were supposed to be given the role you had wasn’t much important for the movie. Prateik’s acting was very natural and LOVED SHAI…. well… I should say I almost fell for you :p


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Sometimes we are so involved in things that we forget to remember the eternal truth that one day, sooner or later, it WILL have to end. And we will have to make a way through the woods, face hard times, be devoid of what we so badly love and would give anything for. Perhaps then, it is not much surprising that we are hurt and long for the past to return once it has gone.

Will write more… Will edit this… But for now… just this much

Back as promised, though I can bet my life that there has been a sort of 180 degrees shift in my mood and motive of this post since I started.

Was talking to a friend and she started asking about my past(read my ex girl friends) and one thing led to another and I ended up telling her a much shorter version of the story I could never post here. Not of much value in this world where there are much more serious things to be discussed upon and problems to be worried about. Still, at the end of those two hours, felt like have gone back to that day when I was so prone to loneliness that I almost got depressed. Almost missed you for a moment. Almost cried for you. Almost. 🙂

Hokay…. So that was me betraying myself and trying to distract me from my original motive of this post. But in a way it strengthened me more by telling myself that I CAN gather myself before crumbling and do the damage control much more efficiently than ever before :p. I perhaps even cracked a joke or two. Not that I don’t feel, but I understand reality much more clearly than I feel. So I am able to “co-op” with it. And perhaps this would be one of most important lessons for me on  “HOW NOT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT GONE THINGS”

PS:- NOSTALGIA’s A BITCH! 😛

>26 And Rolling


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I think I would not be able to recollect how many time I have taken up the HERCULEAN TASK of writing this post in last 1 month or so, but what I can tell without an iota of doubt is that I always found myself at loss for the words to begin with. Might have an inspiration to start this off with the issue itself ;).  I have learnt that if we keep ourselves from doing things we always wanted to do, just because of some problems in our way and wait for the storm to subside, then perhaps the whole picture will be changed when the fog finally settles down. Its better to commit a mistake than the act of doing nothing and be sitting ducks.

Big words. LOL. I thought the same till I found out that the gone year was one dedicated to hard, stern and hurting decisions; to some new beginnings and some odd endings. Odd enough but not unjust. It was perhaps the fitting way to bid adieu to 2010 by closing all the matters for once and all. I felt hurt, it did hurt, I won’t lie. But it felt the right thing to do. And perhaps I have finally found the courage to make decisions for myself, rather than be sitting ducks and wait for the RIGHT TIME to come.

1 year has gone by @ Vizag, the one they call The city of destiny .I sometimes wonder which way my destiny will take me, but I am not afraid of it anymore. I might not be getting my MBA degree anytime soon, but I will be getting one thing that is way more better than that; My own insight into things that I never even dreamt of, an brand new experience; and that’s the reason I am not anymore afraid of the roller coaster ride or the dull, muddy roads destiny might have in store for me. I am going to enjoy every punch they throw at me and will make sure to return the favour.

PS:- Living in your own fla does make you feel way better and grown up than being in a hostel, though it comes at its own cost, the humane companionship. But then, friends are never far away if you want them close 🙂

PPS:- Back to my cooking days again!!! And it rocks!! \m/

PPPS:- I turned 26 on 1st 🙂 Yayyyyy

>WE


>

Touching your soul was best thing I had,
Wasn’t a dream, I wasn’t anymore just a lad,
You were full with joy and fresh like dew,
Wondering how did I ever found you,
Dazzled with your glitter and shine,
It felt as if I was on cloud nine,
Sure was heaven, when you looked at me,
And there was no place that I wanted to be,

Still remember those days, the times we had,
Still makes me happy, and sometimes a little sad,
But don’t you worry, for it will always be there,
The tears, the joy and the time we shared.

>TOPIC???


>In the beginning I started writing because I wanted to vent out a lot of things. Perhaps more than I thought there was to drain down. Perhaps not. Then somewhere down the line, it sort of became a responsibility to do so. To deliberately find out something that can be blamed upon. I started looking for people or situations or things to blame to, just for the sake of telling myself that I still have to drain away things. Unaware that I was creating a black hole that can never be satiated. Forgetting the RIGHT way to live. And when I say RIGHT in CAPS, I mean it. I messed up due to something that should have been rather the best thing in my life, atleast till now.

I realized something was wrong with me, or better say, my way of looking at things. That was the reason I stopped writing. Damn! I stopped so many things. Some for good, some for bad. Hope the good ones will continue while I can sort out the bad ones. 1 thing is sure, I know I was looking for the wrong thing in name of love. Its not what is to be asked for or searched for. After all of this suffering I have understood I was wrong and have started afresh again, looking for nothing. Atleast I wont be blaming anyone or anything for it, and most important, no one will get hurt. So now its Navneet Kumar only, no nicks anymore. Its time I let the ghost of my past go away. That’s it. To everyone who thinks I wronged, I am sorry. And yes, I know you’re reading it. I dunno how, but somehow I just know. I don’t love you anymore. And I don’t hate you. Am glad IT happened, and am sorry IT happened. Goodbye.

On other things, Not getting leave for diwali, so most probably will be eating idlis and dosas this diwali, instead of choley, poori,kheer, and the gujiyas… 😦 Everyone will be there, wish I could go. On the other hand, it might just as well as be a blessing in disguise. Might get to visit some friends in Bangy. I have never been there, want to see how the city treats me… :p

Job’s good, money’s good, health’s good, head’s finally going good and most importantly, I do think I can afterall become a good person, the one I always hated. 🙂 Life’s strange.

Later.

PS:- Still dont have a topic for this. 😐

>666


>The greatest trick devil ever pulled off was to convince the world that he didn’t exist.

See you soon. 🙂

>This is IT!


>So finally back from the hospital 😆 funny life…

And I used to think that finally my ordeals are over…..that finally I had the person I would have loved to spend my life with, to share my happiness and woes…

lol…. Life proves me wrong everytime …lol…

This thing has become a sort of Deja Vu to me :p keeps happening again and again….

I pray from my heart that I never fall in love again. It’s already a fucked up life. I do not want any more heartbreaks.

PS:- Did something today which was stupid and I will never forgive myself for it. Did it coz was silly enough to think that it would get me some attention. 🙂 So naive of me….. SO NAIVE…

U need to grow up dude….   they just do not deserve you…. grow up or fuck off….

>For You :p


>

So those eyes just lifted up, and looked at me in a huff,
The frown was there, still all I saw was love,
In those lovely big eyes, I saw the anger was fake,
coz no matter what she said, her eyes showed no hate,

They sparkled all bright, like stars twinkle in night,
And defied all the anger, taking away all my plight,
Oh..What I wouldn’t give away, to get her just one sight,
Would fall down in any abyss, and go up to any height,

If only she says, would do anything for her sake,
And would bear all the pain, more than anyone can take,
Will swim down the oceans,rivers and even the lake,
To prove that my love’s true, to show there’s nothing fake

>I G N O R E D


>Yeah that’s how you feel when you have loads to talk about and you have NO ONE. Today, I have NO ONE.

PS:- I wish you read this. 😦


>Well, 0333 hours… 🙂

666/2=333 :p

Perhaps one of those nights when neither your mind nor your heart seem to appreciate one important need of your body, the  need to sleep. I am wide awake even after knowing that I should be asleep hours ago, but that’s not what this post would focus on. It would not perhaps even focus on anything in specific, not the fact that I am perhaps lost in between my career, my dreams, my family and myself; neither would it be about the work that I have been assigned to at my current job and the responsibility that has been bestowed upon me hence. This post is about someone who perhaps took a wrong turn(or as others believe) somewhere down the line and is a completely different person than what he would have been had he not done certain things in his life.

I know this seems like a lot of nostalgia at first sight, but trust me, there is none. None from my side. Neither is there any sympathy. The only feeling I have for the person in discussion is of amusement. The 16 year  old dreamy eyed boy never thought back then that 10 years down the lane he would proud calling himself someone who is shrewd, cunning, barely honest and arrogant enough to accept it all. I used to know him, long time ago. Perhaps I still do, but there are a lot of things now, things that matter more to me than that 16 year old boy. There is money, career, MBA. There are things that he never would have ever been able to even dreamt of. There are girls, drinks, people who he would have never been able to understand. There is smoke, a lot of it. Then there is an insatiable hunger for something that I do not understand myself. There is this rat race and he is simply sitting in the crowd, seeing me run through it, kicking others and becoming happy at the thought of having eliminated the competition.

I need him I think. I need some sanity. I need innocence, atleast this one last thing.
Hope I do not become my own monster.

>Not yet


>

Which way to go, what road to walk,He asks the winds
hoping for an answer, which no one has it seems,
If he goes left, will he get what he wants?
Or may be the right,to drive away the fear that haunts,
He doesn’t know, Not yet, May be tomorrow, But not yet,
Should he go for the woods, and search the unknown,
or head for the crowd, and be secured about his future,
some say go your own way, but no one tells how to,
some say to do what’s the best for him, as if he knew it all the time,
He doesn’t know, Not yet, May be tomorrow, But not yet,

The paths call for him, luring him with promises, and surprises,
He often gets tempted, for he’s just a boy, who has many a dreams,
This confusion is tearing him apart, and pulling him in all directions,
He wants to take a decision, but halts at the crossroads,wondering if his compass is right,
He doesn’t know, Not yet, May be tomorrow, But not yet.

>SHE


>

Well…. this is for someone whom I love very much, and who perhaps doesn’t understand the true nature of my love. Dint know how to express myself and how to convince her. So wrote this. Hope this will help….

For you my love. 🙂

Its like a dream, to look into those beautiful eyes,
To look into the face that defies everything, the face sans this world’s cruel lies,
She says something, I try hard to concentrate,
But fail to grasp a word,lost in those lovely eyes,Which clean away all the hate,

I look at her walking,she’s lost in her thoughts,
I wish I could be with her, atleast that’s what my heart shouts,
Wondering what would she say,If I say something stupid,
So I try to make things simple,try to be calm,and to make things lucid,

She laughs at something,and I can really hear the chimes,
And maybe she’d find this poem boring,for the stupid way it rhymes,
Something crosses her mind, and she smiles the sweetest smile,
And all my efforts to unaffected,to be neutral are again futile.

And when she looks at me with those lovely eyes,
I get sort of transfixed,like my legs are frozen in the ice,
And I wish I could tell her the way I feel for her,
The girl of my dreams,The Fairy who can fly without a flutter.

>Here I am, This is ME! \m/


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“THE” Machine

The Man and the Machine

Need I say more??? 😀

>A-Z of me


>

Well I found this tag thing online….and thot of doing it here on my blog…. dunno much about tagging thing though…will try to be honest 😛

A to Z of me


A – Available/Single?

Single 😛 and not Available :p I love it like this…though not alwayz 😐


B – Best friend?

Loneliness

C – Cake or Pie?

Cake

D – Drink of choice?

Black coffee

E – Essential item you use every day?

lappy…nd uh… handwash….toothbrush…grrrr.. der are too many

F – Favorite colour?

Black

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?

WTF???

H – Hometown?

Hazaribagh

I – Indulgence?

Poems, cooking, traveling,coffee

J – January or February?

January…its my month of the year

K – Kids & their names?

Miku 😛 thats me… and Sachi..my kid sis 😛

L – Life is incomplete without?

Me

M – Marriage date?

Both 😐 :p (dun forget to put an ‘/’ in between)

N – Number of siblings?

1…. and shez the sweetest sister one can have.. 🙂

O – Oranges or Apples?

Oranges

P – Phobias/Fears?

Dying like people do in final destination series

Q – Quote for today?

Take a stand or get lost….I do not entertain diplomats-Navneet Kumar

R – Reason to smile?

Life

S – Season?

Rainy, winter

T – Tag 3 People?

Anjuli , Namrata and Chhaya

U – Unknown fact about me?

How would I know??

V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Karela 😐 _|_

W – Worst habit?

😐 None…there are many contenders for the position

X – X-rays you’ve had?

Leg…2 weeks ago

Y – Your favorite food?

Chicken..and of course…Rajma

Z – Zodiac sign?

Capricorn


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April 10, 2004

It was nearly 1 in the night and he was as usual busy with friends, cracking jokes and killing time, just like that. That was the general life there in the hostel at that time. Cigarettes, jokes, groups and tonnez to talk about. College life was still an infant, just 2 months old, starting from Valentine’s day that year itself(Sometimes I think ki starting date hi aisi thi, that’s why he had to face such things). So you can pretty much guess that they were still in the stage where you discuss things about crushes, failures,cribbing about not getting into IITs, chicks in the college and stuff like that. That night was no extraordinary.

Not for all atleast.

Not untill 1 am atleast.

“Abe tera phone hai be…”, Ashish shouted from his room.
He couldn’t believe his ears. Since the day he proposed , i.e. on fool’s day, there hasn’t been a single day when she called that late. Calls have been formal, perhaps out of awkwardness from his side, and perhaps due to confusion from her’s.

He rushed to Ashish’ room and took the phone from him. Putting his palm over the speaker, he asked Ashish, “Tere cell mein kitna balance hai?” “350”, came the reply, relieving him. He still had to get his Nokia 2300. Many things that would happen in the future were still to happen. Well, we will come to that l8r.

“Hello…”, he said.
“Hi…where were you?”, she asked.
“Well, was in my room. And as you know, I do not have a mobile. Not yet”, he said in an irritated tone, knowing that she was just making a base for something else. She was always like this. He always told her that she has a good argumentative attitude. Only that he did not like it when she used to apply it to him.

“You called so late??”, it was now his turn to enquire, and as usual, he was direct to the point.

“Hmmm… wanted to talk to you, if it is ok with you…”, she replied.

He sensed this won’t be alright. Though he was still inexperienced, but his instincts told him that there is something about that night that would change many things. Still, he can’t deny her. He CANT!!!

“Kya hua…you there??? “, She asked, listening to the storm spread in his silence.

“Yep…bolo… I am here…was just not expecting your call..not so late actually”, he said, snuggling into Anand’s chair. He had told Anand and his roommate(only one of them was in the hostel at that time that they can sleep in his bed instead and he would rather not like to be disturbed. Others had gone to some place or other, so it was sort of a privacy for him. Just like he wanted.)

“Well… how are you “, she asked him for the first time in many days after the fool’s day fiasco.

“I am good…gr8!!!”, he said, trying to find some meaning in her questions and trying to fool himself that this is just a simple call, that it has nothing to do with the proposal.

“Hmmmm….Are you alone there??”, she asked.

His heart missed a heartbeat. It cant be! For a moment he thought that the unthinkable is going to happen.
I can still feel the disappointment in his heart when it simply turned out to be a casual question and nothing as he dreamt of with open eyes. Anyways, he was glad she broke the ice by asking about the Fool’s Day Proposal. But at the same time, he feared the things he had known for a very long long time and prayed to god to favor him this one last time. Seems god also sleeps at night.

It started very innocently with a joke. He said something about the delhi girls and she was at her best denying it. Then talks drifted towards future, about college and her admission(Which was pending as of then.. she was in Delhi after her 12th board examinations) and stuff like that.
“Navneet, were you serious that day?”, suddenly she took a giant leap and asked it.

He was relieved…. he was afraid… He had the answer…He couldn’t say it….He had to…

“Yes ‘S’ “… he said and instantly smiled…smiled at the ease with which many things had become crystal clear between them…smiled at the joy it brought to him thinking that finally he had the courage to tell her that he loves her…smiled at his foolishness of April 1st proposal idea… smiled at everything…

“hmmm…really? You love me?”, she still needed some assurance, having had her own set of heartbreaks, she was no novice to these things afterall….or atleast he thought so…

“Hmmmm..yes S..I love you…and not from today.. I have loved you for last 3 years….And I was silent all these years only for everyone’s peace of mind…There was a lot of confusion already…and I thought perhaps the best thing to do is to be quiet…and not to tell anyone..”,He said more than he thought of…and felt proud about it..

“You know something??”, she said with a tinge of naughtiness in her voice…

“What!!??”, he was irritated..obviously..

“I knew that you sort of liked me… I knew it from the way you looked at me”, she said it so simply as if it was nothing….and he took 3 years to say it.

“Huh….We seldom talked in Ranchi….and whenever we did, it was in the presence of either my bros or yours…remember??”, it was nice seeing them having a heart to heart talk…it was really soothing after all these years of suffocating and keeping it inside, he was finally able to speak his mind….he did not know it but something was changing inside him that night…He will never be that shy guy again…He will never be an introvert again… he will never get away without speaking what his mind desires and what his heart thinks…
He will never back down again….

He is still fighting…

To be continued….

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