Category: navi


>My Last Blog Post


>This will be my last post on this blog. Although this has not been among the most read ones, I would still like to thank everyone who ever had been here and showed their support. I had a reason to start this blog more than a year ago, and though what I started to achieve is far from being achieved, I have learnt a lot and perhaps sometimes you just move on. It has been very hard for me to move on, from so many things. I think I am thinking too much or writing too way ward, but this is my last post and this is one liberty I would like to gift myself.

This last post marks the end of many things. Many things that I used to think were mine, were destined to be mine. I have learnt it that sometimes we have to just let go and accept the defeat. Perhaps there is some courage in doing that too rather than fighting a long lost battle. I still have dreams, and perhaps one day some will come true, but I am tired now. I do not want to run after them anymore. If “IT” is there, I will get it. Else, no point in hurting myself anymore.
Though I have not accomplished what I wanted to, this blog sure has served its purpose of teaching me something greater than that. And that’s the fact that this is the way life teaches you things.

I am thankful to you people who have at times liked my posts and my poems. I will perhaps continue to write in future, but the unfinished story of my life will have to remain unfinished. Its better that way. I would perhaps hate finishing it now. I know I never really concentrated on it. Perhaps its too late to write about something which happened 10 years ago. Perhaps I should think of something else to write… I know these might seem just like excuses and may be they are just excuses, but still I am done with it. The urge to write that story will die its natural death. Afterall, nothing lasts forever, perhaps not even love.

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>Well, 0333 hours… 🙂

666/2=333 :p

Perhaps one of those nights when neither your mind nor your heart seem to appreciate one important need of your body, the  need to sleep. I am wide awake even after knowing that I should be asleep hours ago, but that’s not what this post would focus on. It would not perhaps even focus on anything in specific, not the fact that I am perhaps lost in between my career, my dreams, my family and myself; neither would it be about the work that I have been assigned to at my current job and the responsibility that has been bestowed upon me hence. This post is about someone who perhaps took a wrong turn(or as others believe) somewhere down the line and is a completely different person than what he would have been had he not done certain things in his life.

I know this seems like a lot of nostalgia at first sight, but trust me, there is none. None from my side. Neither is there any sympathy. The only feeling I have for the person in discussion is of amusement. The 16 year  old dreamy eyed boy never thought back then that 10 years down the lane he would proud calling himself someone who is shrewd, cunning, barely honest and arrogant enough to accept it all. I used to know him, long time ago. Perhaps I still do, but there are a lot of things now, things that matter more to me than that 16 year old boy. There is money, career, MBA. There are things that he never would have ever been able to even dreamt of. There are girls, drinks, people who he would have never been able to understand. There is smoke, a lot of it. Then there is an insatiable hunger for something that I do not understand myself. There is this rat race and he is simply sitting in the crowd, seeing me run through it, kicking others and becoming happy at the thought of having eliminated the competition.

I need him I think. I need some sanity. I need innocence, atleast this one last thing.
Hope I do not become my own monster.

>Nostalgia


>

And sometimes when he is alone, he sits and thinks of times gone,
When walking in the rain was fun, while his heart thought bout someone,
Of times when he dint pretend, and all the while they were happy,

All those people used to say, “There can’t be such a beautiful day”,
And while the children played the games of hide and seek,
They strolled on the pavement, closer than tongue-and-cheek,

Some memories bring smile to him, some old ones bring a frown,
He wishes he could go back in time, wishes he could change things back then,
Wonders what would life be like had he never done that, and this, and so many things,

He thinks he is waiting for someone, may be a call from that someone he loves,
And smiles at the thought, so naive he still in the matters of heart,Has to learn a lot,
He still is standing in the rain, wondering what he should do, Get under the shade or walk away in the rain.

>Day 1


>And the day one passed quite peacefully to what I expected.Wonder how long will I be able to hold my anchor.

19 more to go…. 😦


>

3rd October 2001

“So, do you really think this is gonna work?”

“Yeah!! It will if you do not run away from her again at the last moment”

“Eh…what makes you think I will do something like that?”

“Tera past record dekh ke to aisa hi lagta hai. Sale bol kyun nai deta jaake aaj usko”

“Well….aaj …aaj 😀 “

“Dekhte hain…. tell me what happened when I return from the school in the evening”

“Yup…chal tata”

“Bye C”

“Bye M”

That evening, C proposed S.

M was still not in love with S.

The storm was nowhere in the sight.
 


>
It was the best winter of his life.

Firstly… He was onto something he wanted to, for a long long time.
NDA. National Defense Academy.

Yes, what had started as a simple interest of a teenager who yet had to shave off his mustache(I wonder why they do not call it “mouth-ache”) and be a matter of joke among his best friends 😛 , had snowballed till then into a full time career aspiration. The guy who used to live in newton’s fourth non-existent law of motion and Einstein’s infamous energy-mass relation was now more concerned about the ratio of his weight and height and the shape of his knuckles, the length of his body below abdomen(not the length you’re thinking of!! 😛 ) and the parallelism of eyesight.

It was the best winter of his life.

It all started with Chix telling him about this NDA thing and about some colonel who came to his class(they were still in 11th) and said great things about NDA and especially about army. He listened to chix with curiosity and wondered if NDA is all about army. He got his answer immediately. And to his delight, it had something of his interest too. IAF. He always wanted to fly a plane and what better way to achieve his dream than getting into Indian Air Force!!!
He was thrilled. Obviously it didn’t last long. He was blasted off by his Ma when he declared his plans to her on phone. He still remembers the tears flowing down his till unpimpled cheeks. He remembers how his chachi scolded his mother when she got to know that she has refussed from letting him going in IAF, or even applying for it. He remembers filling the form against all the odds (Obviously without informing his parents).

He remembers the best winter of his life…

To be continued…


>No. I am not going to direct a movie. I mean, thanks for the offer, but I am too busy this summer. Lol. The post title has nothing to do with Bruce Willis either or his fighting skills. Only thing common is the word, “Die” .
You might be thinking why “Die Easy 5.0” ?There are so many easy ways to die, why die the hard way then?

Okay, I’ll get back to my original thought behind this post. It is called, a will to quit smoking. I know there will be many people who would simply laugh this thing away. Its for such people I have titled this post “Die EASY 5.0”. “No one can quit smoking forever”, is one of the most famous statements which I have heard on suggesting my friends to quit smoking. People who smoke take it as a personal offense when someone asks them to quit smoking. I have myself behaved in a very irritated manner when my best friend asked me to quit smoking. I almost stopped talking to her. But she was the one who gave me the confidence in first place that quitting the stick is not a herculean task, but just a matter of self control. She would have been proud of me had she been watching me now. Anyways, that’s a different matter, although of heart, it has nothing to do with smoking. Whatever….

Many people have asked me reasons one must ponder over as to why she/he should boot the cigarette. The reasons are very simple. The most important is INSCRIBED on the pack of cigarettes. I hope you can see that, and if possible, read it too. So next time you buy yourself a pack, try reading things written all over it, and not just the price. It will enlighten you for sure, if you are dumb enough not to know till now.

Why do you smoke? Ask yourself. I am sure your reason must be among the following two:-
1) It makes me look cool.
2) I am addicted to it.

I can bet my 2 cents(yep that’s what I can afford at most ..lol..I dun even have 50 cents) that your reason would not be out of what I have listed above.
It actually starts with an innocent friend hanging out with his friends on a weekend. Or may be someone who has been out of his home for the first time into the INTERESTING and EXCITING world of college life and hostels. Or it may be someone who is simply awed by the stylishness of the way Rajanikanth lights up the cigarettes in between his fight with two dozen goons.
No matter how it starts, there is no “Only just for the first time”. The smoke always attracts the first timers.
A matchbox,a stick and few friends on the rooftop of college hostel. It seems like the perfect setting for masti. Actually, I have seen many chain smokers start like this only. Including me. I remember my first puff. My head spun and lungs wanted to blast off. It was really an “out-of-body” experience, as many of the smokers describe. Only, it was not a pleasant one. I was a smoker for 5 years, but there has not been a single day when I have not hated the smell of cigarette and felt uneasy at the smoke around me. Quite confusing na? These words coming from a chain smoker. Yes, even I think sometimes the reason I smoked when I never really liked it, and I found out that I had made it a part of my life, too integral to be scrapped away like that.

It does become a habit very quickly. Not my word, but from the scientists. I always used to laugh away at this and said that nicotine is NOT addictive. Now I do agree with it. What else can describe the craving for something which you know is bad for you, going to make you pay in order to buy death and going to be something which you will not be proud of telling to your parents. My parents never realized I was into smoking. I never told them either.

Going back to our reasons for smoking… Let’s talk them in detail..It’s actually sort of funny..

Reason-cum-Hallucination no. 1
-It makes me look cool.

Bah!!! ^%^$^%^@#@ I feel like saying many things, but I have to maintain some decency I think. So in one word, BS! If you think smoking is “the one” thing which takes away from you all your UNCOOLNESS and drowns you into a vast ocean of coolness, then I think you should rather consider going to Himalayas. You will feel pretty much cool there… Tell me… Do you really think if some girl sees you smoking she starts fancying you? Do you think that she will talk to you if she saw you smoking? Wake up loser!!! This is the word from the mouth of horse(or donkey) himself… Girls Hate smokers. No one likes to kiss you when your mouth is stinking of the dirty smell of cigarette and your clothes smell of the same. Actually, she would rather prefer to be as away from you as possible. So you see your coolness lands you in a cool pile shit as far as girls are considered. Besides, its no fashion show idiots!! You are not making a fashion statement by lighting that stick. And if you need a lighting stick in order to make a statement about your coolness among your friends, you really need to seriously introspect yourself. Losers!!!

Reason-cum-Hallucination no. 2
-I am addicted to it.

Get over it idiots! There is nothing like that. Addicted…lame excuse of an eternal loser who doesn’t have the balls to face himself in the mirror and tell himself to get his life going the right way. Instead, he simply goes on living the life as it comes and simply shrugs all the troubles in his life away. If you really want to quit smoking, then throw away that pack in your cupboard, or may be in you pocket. And make one simple vow of never touching it. A vow over your self respect, if you still have some left within yourself. If your heart is into quitting it, you will see that how easy it is to avoid it despite numerous chances to light it up and smoke up your life.
All the best you are thinking of quitting.

PS:- Just think what your parents will think of you if they found out you are a smoker. I am over this smoking thing and still unable to tell them that I used to smoke. It is one thing I am ashamed of. I was never so afraid even when I told them about the girl I loved. Now you can yourself assume how shameful it is when you have to uncover this “smoking truth” before your friends.They have too much faith in me. I can’t see it destroyed. I wish I can muster up enough courage someday to tell them about this. Pray For me friends 🙂

>A-Z of me


>

Well I found this tag thing online….and thot of doing it here on my blog…. dunno much about tagging thing though…will try to be honest 😛

A to Z of me


A – Available/Single?

Single 😛 and not Available :p I love it like this…though not alwayz 😐


B – Best friend?

Loneliness

C – Cake or Pie?

Cake

D – Drink of choice?

Black coffee

E – Essential item you use every day?

lappy…nd uh… handwash….toothbrush…grrrr.. der are too many

F – Favorite colour?

Black

G – Gummy Bears Or Worms?

WTF???

H – Hometown?

Hazaribagh

I – Indulgence?

Poems, cooking, traveling,coffee

J – January or February?

January…its my month of the year

K – Kids & their names?

Miku 😛 thats me… and Sachi..my kid sis 😛

L – Life is incomplete without?

Me

M – Marriage date?

Both 😐 :p (dun forget to put an ‘/’ in between)

N – Number of siblings?

1…. and shez the sweetest sister one can have.. 🙂

O – Oranges or Apples?

Oranges

P – Phobias/Fears?

Dying like people do in final destination series

Q – Quote for today?

Take a stand or get lost….I do not entertain diplomats-Navneet Kumar

R – Reason to smile?

Life

S – Season?

Rainy, winter

T – Tag 3 People?

Anjuli , Namrata and Chhaya

U – Unknown fact about me?

How would I know??

V – Vegetable you don’t like?

Karela 😐 _|_

W – Worst habit?

😐 None…there are many contenders for the position

X – X-rays you’ve had?

Leg…2 weeks ago

Y – Your favorite food?

Chicken..and of course…Rajma

Z – Zodiac sign?

Capricorn


>

April 10, 2004

It was nearly 1 in the night and he was as usual busy with friends, cracking jokes and killing time, just like that. That was the general life there in the hostel at that time. Cigarettes, jokes, groups and tonnez to talk about. College life was still an infant, just 2 months old, starting from Valentine’s day that year itself(Sometimes I think ki starting date hi aisi thi, that’s why he had to face such things). So you can pretty much guess that they were still in the stage where you discuss things about crushes, failures,cribbing about not getting into IITs, chicks in the college and stuff like that. That night was no extraordinary.

Not for all atleast.

Not untill 1 am atleast.

“Abe tera phone hai be…”, Ashish shouted from his room.
He couldn’t believe his ears. Since the day he proposed , i.e. on fool’s day, there hasn’t been a single day when she called that late. Calls have been formal, perhaps out of awkwardness from his side, and perhaps due to confusion from her’s.

He rushed to Ashish’ room and took the phone from him. Putting his palm over the speaker, he asked Ashish, “Tere cell mein kitna balance hai?” “350”, came the reply, relieving him. He still had to get his Nokia 2300. Many things that would happen in the future were still to happen. Well, we will come to that l8r.

“Hello…”, he said.
“Hi…where were you?”, she asked.
“Well, was in my room. And as you know, I do not have a mobile. Not yet”, he said in an irritated tone, knowing that she was just making a base for something else. She was always like this. He always told her that she has a good argumentative attitude. Only that he did not like it when she used to apply it to him.

“You called so late??”, it was now his turn to enquire, and as usual, he was direct to the point.

“Hmmm… wanted to talk to you, if it is ok with you…”, she replied.

He sensed this won’t be alright. Though he was still inexperienced, but his instincts told him that there is something about that night that would change many things. Still, he can’t deny her. He CANT!!!

“Kya hua…you there??? “, She asked, listening to the storm spread in his silence.

“Yep…bolo… I am here…was just not expecting your call..not so late actually”, he said, snuggling into Anand’s chair. He had told Anand and his roommate(only one of them was in the hostel at that time that they can sleep in his bed instead and he would rather not like to be disturbed. Others had gone to some place or other, so it was sort of a privacy for him. Just like he wanted.)

“Well… how are you “, she asked him for the first time in many days after the fool’s day fiasco.

“I am good…gr8!!!”, he said, trying to find some meaning in her questions and trying to fool himself that this is just a simple call, that it has nothing to do with the proposal.

“Hmmmm….Are you alone there??”, she asked.

His heart missed a heartbeat. It cant be! For a moment he thought that the unthinkable is going to happen.
I can still feel the disappointment in his heart when it simply turned out to be a casual question and nothing as he dreamt of with open eyes. Anyways, he was glad she broke the ice by asking about the Fool’s Day Proposal. But at the same time, he feared the things he had known for a very long long time and prayed to god to favor him this one last time. Seems god also sleeps at night.

It started very innocently with a joke. He said something about the delhi girls and she was at her best denying it. Then talks drifted towards future, about college and her admission(Which was pending as of then.. she was in Delhi after her 12th board examinations) and stuff like that.
“Navneet, were you serious that day?”, suddenly she took a giant leap and asked it.

He was relieved…. he was afraid… He had the answer…He couldn’t say it….He had to…

“Yes ‘S’ “… he said and instantly smiled…smiled at the ease with which many things had become crystal clear between them…smiled at the joy it brought to him thinking that finally he had the courage to tell her that he loves her…smiled at his foolishness of April 1st proposal idea… smiled at everything…

“hmmm…really? You love me?”, she still needed some assurance, having had her own set of heartbreaks, she was no novice to these things afterall….or atleast he thought so…

“Hmmmm..yes S..I love you…and not from today.. I have loved you for last 3 years….And I was silent all these years only for everyone’s peace of mind…There was a lot of confusion already…and I thought perhaps the best thing to do is to be quiet…and not to tell anyone..”,He said more than he thought of…and felt proud about it..

“You know something??”, she said with a tinge of naughtiness in her voice…

“What!!??”, he was irritated..obviously..

“I knew that you sort of liked me… I knew it from the way you looked at me”, she said it so simply as if it was nothing….and he took 3 years to say it.

“Huh….We seldom talked in Ranchi….and whenever we did, it was in the presence of either my bros or yours…remember??”, it was nice seeing them having a heart to heart talk…it was really soothing after all these years of suffocating and keeping it inside, he was finally able to speak his mind….he did not know it but something was changing inside him that night…He will never be that shy guy again…He will never be an introvert again… he will never get away without speaking what his mind desires and what his heart thinks…
He will never back down again….

He is still fighting…

To be continued….


>Well…an empty mind and a full bottle of whiskey CAN do wonders at times!!!

This time…the medium is me…

I am gonna use all my experience with girls and all and gonna write a post on

“All you wanted to know about girls and all you never wanted to know about girls”

as my special post for Valentine’s day….

I guess it will answer guys maximum questions on how to deal with girls and what things to look for…. Call it a dirty thing..call it a frustrated person’s outburst.. call it anything…

I call it the naked truth!!! And this V-day, your gonna find it out too!!!

Brickbats… ??? Bring them ONNNNNN!!!

>I am going down


>

Well…. To be frank, I am bored. Bored of this place, bored of people, bored of lies again and again, bored of same old things…bored of myself. I know its not a very good thing to say, but off late I have lost the direction and I dunno if I am ever gonna know what I was supposed to do. Get a job,get married, raise kids, grow old, die??? Is that it? I dun wanna be like that. That would be the worst thing that could happen to me if I dint find out why I am here… I really gives a severe headache… Crap yaar!!! Atleast the disillusion of MBA kept me busy. Now there is no pretending. And I am glad about it. Atleast not doing the right thing is less dangerous than doing the wrong thing thinking it’s right. I know this one job has changed my attitude a lot and perhaps I have started respecting finer things in life.

I wanted to be a poet, though I do not write any good. But then again, that was where my heart was and perhaps that’s why I write sometimes even today. But this bloody world…well..I can’t eat my poems. I need to earn….WTF! May be someday I will have the courage to break away from this zombie crowd…one day I will… 😦 

Perhaps I will publish my book, even if just one copy of it. 🙂


>– That life isn’t all about sex.


– That there must be something very great in marriage, that’s why the institution has survived morons like me, who do not believe in it.

– That eating the last piece of cake in the room is tougher than cracking an MBA exam.

– That there is always some whiskey in the bottle.

– That best friends are often jerks. You do need to see your alikes in this world at times.

– That its not the best thing to pataao your best friend’s sister.

– That there is no dearth of girls in this world.

– That crying at one’s pain is easiest, laughing is a bit tougher, but telling no one about it is the toughest thing.

– That its never too late untill its really late.

– That none of us can ever forget those eyes and that voice(for guys).


– That its not a right thing to call your ex if you still have got any feelings for her/him.

– That at one point in your life, you would believe that you have lost it, and you would be proven wrong by yourself.

– That truth is stranger than fiction.
– That love does exist, and its not mandatory to love just once. That funda is bull shit!

– That we all wish we were something which we do not understand properly.


– That some plans are executed best when executed in an unplanned manner.

– That some days are plain bad, you can’t do much about them.

– That no matter how much effort you put in, there will be an asshole to tell you its not enough.

– That looks have nothing to do with attracting girls, as far as you have the qualities.

– That some girls are bitches and some guys are bastards.

– That eating an apple a day actually contributes little towards keeping the doc away. Overrated proverb.


– That smoking kills lesser people than malnutrition does.


– That this post is stretching idiotically long and its time for me to sleep…..damnnn… quarter past 4 in the morning….ROFL!!!


– That contrary to popular belief, Daaru ke baad padhne mein bahut mazaaa aata hai!!! 😀


>
I am standing at the bus stop,
My necktie is going all flip flop,
The hair you combed is messed again,
And all the kisses seem to be in vain,

I wonder if you packed my lunch box,
And my toes want to get out of these socks,
The water bottle feels too heavy now,
I want to be alright, but don’t know how,

I look on the street, the children are playing,
They are also grown ups, why no school for them,
I wonder if you just wanted to send me away,
This single thought makes my head go down in shame,

I see the school bus coming to my stop,
I see the open windows,from which many heads pop,
I think of you and my heartbeat goes fast,
Wonder if even one day I am gonna last,

Then I hear your voice, telling me to be good kid,
Telling me to be brave and things which I will need,
I smile at your touch and kiss you on cheeks,
In your arms I find the love I seek.

I know this is something I have not written in a long long time. Was just missing my Ma and phone nahi lag raha thaa….so Thought of writing something for her. 🙂 Love you Ma.


>
April 2009

“Ticket ticket!!!” He was awaken from a sleepless dream by the rough voice of the bus conductor. “uh… Lemme see if I do have any change”, he thought to himself and surprisingly, a ten rupee note was crumpled in his jeans pocket. Handing it over to the conductor, he looked around the bus. It was all packed and only saving grace was the window by his side and the cool air slapping on his face, making his always un-made hair go even more haywire. “Only if I didn’t have to go to Juhu so quick, I would have taken the train… Crap!!!”, he murmured to himself and then looked outside the window, falling back in his open eye dreams. “Why am I going to see her? After all this????” He had no answer.

4 months earlier

“Hello…??”, he spoke into the phone, knowing very well he should not have called her up in first place. He waited for the voice, waited for it to cut through his heart. “Hi Navi…”, the voice said on the other side. Both sides went silent. Perhaps they had too much to say to each other. Perhaps they had nothing.
“I am in Pune. Have a test. Can you meet me?”, he summoned up all his courage and asked her the forbidden.
“Why do you want to meet me Navi?”
“Well, I just thought…umm…well I wanted to meet you.”
“Hmmmm…. I can’t come. I do not want to see you anymore.”
His mind went blank on hearing the inevitable. “No, I must not fall down now…I have an exam to take in a few hours…. this was expected….I should not…must not..fall now….”, an array of random thoughts went through his head.

“Hmmmm…ok”, was all he could manage to utter before hanging up.
I still remember him crying for 2 hours after reaching back Mumbai at 12 midnight. I do not know how he held the fort the whole day. May be one day I will learn from him.

Suddenly the loud ringing of his cellphone woke him back to reality. It was 5:45 in the evening. “Anonymous Calling” blinked on the screen. He picked up the phone and talked like a machine to her. Following her instructions about how to reach her hotel, and noted everything in his head, which seldom forgets things. Not atleast about her.

10 minutes later, he was on his way to her hotel, in a rickshaw.
He smiled to himself,”Finally it will be over tonight”

He had yet to learn things.


>
I think its a dream, i can’t believe its true,
And obviously no one will believe me, no! not even you,
I want to think it can come real,
But fate has a different deal,

I see her there, walking down the stairs,
I feel my heartbeat go fast, wonder if she cares,
I try not to look at her, and go by my business,
But fail to hide my mind, fail to hide this uneasiness,

I avoid looking there, she’s with her friends,
I wonder what makes her smile, wonder how she smells,
I laugh at me, laugh at the things I dream,
I tell myself its never gonna be, that we aren’t meant to be,

So I walk away from her, away from her world,
To someplace where someone cares, where silence can be heard,
I leave this dream lying on the floor,
and with silent steps I walk through the door.

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