Category: lost



>

Sometimes we are so involved in things that we forget to remember the eternal truth that one day, sooner or later, it WILL have to end. And we will have to make a way through the woods, face hard times, be devoid of what we so badly love and would give anything for. Perhaps then, it is not much surprising that we are hurt and long for the past to return once it has gone.

Will write more… Will edit this… But for now… just this much

Back as promised, though I can bet my life that there has been a sort of 180 degrees shift in my mood and motive of this post since I started.

Was talking to a friend and she started asking about my past(read my ex girl friends) and one thing led to another and I ended up telling her a much shorter version of the story I could never post here. Not of much value in this world where there are much more serious things to be discussed upon and problems to be worried about. Still, at the end of those two hours, felt like have gone back to that day when I was so prone to loneliness that I almost got depressed. Almost missed you for a moment. Almost cried for you. Almost. 🙂

Hokay…. So that was me betraying myself and trying to distract me from my original motive of this post. But in a way it strengthened me more by telling myself that I CAN gather myself before crumbling and do the damage control much more efficiently than ever before :p. I perhaps even cracked a joke or two. Not that I don’t feel, but I understand reality much more clearly than I feel. So I am able to “co-op” with it. And perhaps this would be one of most important lessons for me on  “HOW NOT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT GONE THINGS”

PS:- NOSTALGIA’s A BITCH! 😛

Advertisements

>WE


>

Touching your soul was best thing I had,
Wasn’t a dream, I wasn’t anymore just a lad,
You were full with joy and fresh like dew,
Wondering how did I ever found you,
Dazzled with your glitter and shine,
It felt as if I was on cloud nine,
Sure was heaven, when you looked at me,
And there was no place that I wanted to be,

Still remember those days, the times we had,
Still makes me happy, and sometimes a little sad,
But don’t you worry, for it will always be there,
The tears, the joy and the time we shared.

>Well, 0333 hours… 🙂

666/2=333 :p

Perhaps one of those nights when neither your mind nor your heart seem to appreciate one important need of your body, the  need to sleep. I am wide awake even after knowing that I should be asleep hours ago, but that’s not what this post would focus on. It would not perhaps even focus on anything in specific, not the fact that I am perhaps lost in between my career, my dreams, my family and myself; neither would it be about the work that I have been assigned to at my current job and the responsibility that has been bestowed upon me hence. This post is about someone who perhaps took a wrong turn(or as others believe) somewhere down the line and is a completely different person than what he would have been had he not done certain things in his life.

I know this seems like a lot of nostalgia at first sight, but trust me, there is none. None from my side. Neither is there any sympathy. The only feeling I have for the person in discussion is of amusement. The 16 year  old dreamy eyed boy never thought back then that 10 years down the lane he would proud calling himself someone who is shrewd, cunning, barely honest and arrogant enough to accept it all. I used to know him, long time ago. Perhaps I still do, but there are a lot of things now, things that matter more to me than that 16 year old boy. There is money, career, MBA. There are things that he never would have ever been able to even dreamt of. There are girls, drinks, people who he would have never been able to understand. There is smoke, a lot of it. Then there is an insatiable hunger for something that I do not understand myself. There is this rat race and he is simply sitting in the crowd, seeing me run through it, kicking others and becoming happy at the thought of having eliminated the competition.

I need him I think. I need some sanity. I need innocence, atleast this one last thing.
Hope I do not become my own monster.

>For you S


>
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I messed it all up….had I messed her leaving me.

Something for you S, may you never get to read this 😦

I still remember your touch, Remember your smile,
For a moment you come so near,and gone in a while,
You will always be in my heart,for its not a crime,

And I will love you baby, till the end of time.


>

Well …sorry for not posting “the” post… thing is… off late I have been jinxed sort of when it comes to accidents… and as usual/unusual… I had an accident yesterday….no major injuries…but I am bedridden for another two days…. So posting one of my articles here posted by me on one of my friends’s blog.

FYI– I am still writing the post 😐

WHY NOT TO DO AN MBA:-

What do you do when you do not know the purpose of your life, what you are meant to do?

Wanna know?

You opt for an MBA.

Yes, stupid as it may look at first sight, it is the truth which we all know deep inside our hearts. Be it an IT guy who works for 15-17 hours a day, gets paid for just 8-9 and dreams of studying when he reaches home (while swallowing the already cold dinner), all so that he could perform well in some MBA exam and get into a decent B-school, or be it an engineer working in a steel plant or an automobile manufacturing company, exhausted because of the physical exertion and the pathetic work environment she/he has to face day in and day out.

Most common reasons for people taking up MBA? Well.. The list is very simple..

1. I do not like my job. (But I do not know if I would like the MBA job or not!)

2. I want a higher salary. (But the fees in MBA colleges are so high… Will I be able to save anything in the initial years?)

3. I did a mistake by studying engineering. I should have saved an year. (But could I have acquired the same mental ability and level of thinking?)

4. Well, everyone is doing it. It can’t be wrong!!! ( Like everyone was doing drugs and open sex in 70s in US!) or I like the tag of MBA after my name. (Well, is it not that I am paying a lot for a tag?!) or I always wanted to do an MBA (Because my uncle’s sister’s son did it when I was in 10th grade and now he is so well placed!)

5. I have a dream. I want to acquire the required skills to fulfill that dream. I believe in myself and I know what exactly I am doing.

Well, now decide which category do you fall in. I am asking you this because some 6 months ago when I asked myself, I fell in the first category. That was before I lost my job. Afterwards, it has been quite a different story for me. Anyways, that’s a completely different story. Fast, forward, I had my CAT results in hand and was completely devastated. So devastated that I once doubted the very reason behind doing an MBA. All those mocks, all those 99+%iles, all those excuses from office in the name of bad health, all just for one reason – MBA. It was a very tough phase for me. I even termed MBA as a sheer waste of money.

Now, unless you are sure you fall in the 5th and the last category, I’d suggest you should review your situation as you might be wasting both your time and money after the highly coveted, distastefully advertised and much advocated “MBA” .

See, I am a metallurgical engineer by degree, so it would be best for me to explain taking myself as an example. Before I took the course up, I didn’t even know what is metallurgy. Right now, I can’t say I am the best metallurgist ever, I can sure say that I know the “what and how” of metallurgy. And given that I have a degree in metallurgy, I should be working somewhere in TATA Steel, JSW Bellary, ISPAT, VIZAG, SAIL or any of the Steel manufacturing companies in India. I have never ever been to even one of them (except for the one day visits we had in college days). In fact, I worked with one of the leading software companies of India for almost two years before realizing that I have wasted my two years. It is a real pain in the posterior to have the constantly nagging thought in your mind that the code you are writing doesn’t make sense when seen in light of what you have studied all your life. You were not made for this!!! Then I started preparing for CAT, or MBA in general, What followed next was nothing less of a dream run. I had great mocks, above average CAT and one devastating section. Results. NOT QUALIFIED. Some dreams do turn into nightmares. Also, it wasn’t only my CAT dream that got shattered. A lot more was at stake.

Though I had appeared for MBA exams in season 2006 and 2008 too, with little success, I decided to give it another go. Then I realised one thing. I studied Metallurgy, worked in a software company and now wanted to go for an MBA! Why in the first place did I not go for a metallurgy job? The one area where I am certified to work!! I literally fought with myself. I pitched various reasons for not doing a job in metallurgy. None worked. I am applying for a job in the steel industry now.

Now let me put it like this.

You give up metallurgy to go into the software sector, thinking it would boost your career like anything and that you would be earning big bucks in a year or two. WAKE UP!!! My company had announced two months ago that there would be no appraisals this fiscal year. Same is the situation with the other players in this field. Now picture yourself if you were selected in a Metallurgy based company. My friends in SAIL are earning more than double of what I used to get when I left my job. Two damn years and all you get is a work experience certificate, and a lesson about why not to be a software engineer (Believe me or not, I am still writing that book for the last 1 year). To hell with that!!! Nothing like the Cinderella dream you had while sitting for that PPT in college.

Well … I think I should rather write what I intended to write in first place. Let’s get back to the categories and see what is wrong in doing an MBA for the wrong reasons.

Well, job is not a very pleasant thing, barring the paycheck that comes at the end of the month (which of course is NEVER ENOUGH). Everyone wants to be the least exploited employee. Believe me, employers do exploit you, you cannot run away from that. It is ubiquitous. Get on with your job and try to learn the basics of it, especially if you are a fresher, a newbie in your job. You would not like being reprimanded for not being upto the mark by your boss just because of some carelessness. Landing a great job is one thing and doing it is quite another. You might think that the job you are currently in is not the right one for you. Believe me, even the Home Minister would rather be the Prime Minister. But, if you can not deliver w.r.t. the responsibilities you are entrusted with today, you will never be able to do the same in any job, no matter how reputed it is!!! So first things first, do not go for an MBA just because you do not like your job, because if you do so, you will never like any job.

Now comes one of the most common reasons – Money. For the last 7-8 years, the placement scenario in the top MBA colleges and even some of the B-rung business schools has changed drastically with respect to what it was say, 15 years ago. One reason – Money!! The astronomical salaries offered by the foreign companies has lured lakhs of youngsters into giving up everything and preparing for “the exam of their life”, as they call it. Who would not want to have a salary of 1 crore rupees? I’d love to!!! What we forget is the investment required to get into these business schools and the slogging required to repay that investment. No one pays 1 crore to the whole staff … not even in their wildest dreams!! If you are thinking that a day will come when every student passing from IIMs will get a crore plus salary, stop hallucinating right now!!! It will always be a one-in-hundred case. And it is very much possible that you end up in the median range of salaries, i.e. 12 lakhs per annum … tastes bitter na?? That is the truth my friend! And not to forget the huge loan you took for bearing the expenses. You are supposed to pay it also … (No, I am not joking!) So, My friend, there you are, with a CTC of 12 lakhs (The in-hand figure will be even lesser) and with a loan of the magnitude of ATLEAST 10+ lakhs. I hope I didn’t crush your plans of buying a SUV in your first year.

Many people say, “Why MBA after engineering?” Well, there is a very common answer, “I want to move to a faster career track and I think I should not have done engineering in the first place. It should have gone for a simple graduation, or even better, a BBA!”

Well, let me tell you this, never ever regret doing engineering (Well, I agree there are less beautiful girls in engineering, but once you are out of college, life’s heaven!!). Being an engineer myself, I once had the same dilemma but soon I realised the advantages I had by virtue of being an engineer. I have the analytical mind and the systematic thought process that was nurtured by the books and labs I suffered during the 4 golden years of engineering. And it is not a waste of one year. Please keep in mind the extra knowledge you get by investing one more year. Plus, maths is an added advantage (apart from learning the know-how about impressing girls). You sure would need basic maths in your MBA … right???

MBA is not a degree I am against, but I believe that only those should opt for it who really want to do it. IT is not a carnival where everyone can come and do a samba dance. In the same way, MBA is not for everybody. The situation nowadays reminds me of post independence (or was it post 60s-70s?), when there was a rush among parents in India to make ONLY doctors and engineers out of their kids, blatantly stating that these were the only respectable professions. Everyone seems mad about MBA and wants to do it at any cost. Engineers are doing it, doctors are doing it, reporters are doing it, everybody … I even know a professional dancer and a painter who are wannabe MBAs. I mean who will build the dams then – the unskilled workers? Who will operate upon a patient in a critical condition – a compounder? Who will collect the headlines for the news channels for the public to watch – an informer?

The answer is pretty simple and we all know that. NO!

Everyone is not meant to do everything. There has to be some difference between the skill sets people have. Society is made up of variety, not monotonousness. You have to recognize what you are really best at and go for that. That might not be the best paying job ever, but that would be one field where you will get maximum out of yourself and will climb the ladder in the best way possible.

Last, but not the least is the person who knows what she/he is doing by opting for an MBA. Such people need not be acquainted with the intricacies of business management, its not necessary for them to know all the keywords and financial terms. What matters is that one knows what is the next step – May it be adjusting to the hectic schedules of life in a business school after already qualifying a tough examination or the even tougher professional life after the placements. Remember it, such people know how to face the challenge that will come their way after they are done with the the current one. You need to have a broader insight and clear plan about your future if you wish to do an MBA. Its not just a Masters degree, its more than that. Its the investment of two of the most precious years in your life, a lot of effort and of course, a hell lot of money. And these people know how to get most out of an MBA – not just the money, but the quality of learning and the ability to implement the same in real life.

So, my friends, I suppose you are the best judge of yourselves. Just give this article a thought and do not take it as any other Gyan ka Article. I bet my bottom dollar that you would find a reason inside you, either to do an MBA or not to …

All the Best. 🙂

PS : After fighting with myself, I have agreed to allow myself to take CAT 2009. The condition is that I have to justify to myself, why exactly I want to do an MBA. If the reasons fall in any but the 5th category, I would not allow myself to go for it. I’d be doing the job I was meant to do, I was taught to do.


>I know I have to be mad to be writing this post…almost same as my earlier post… Pardon me if it seems boring sort of to u people….This time it is PERSONAL…

I love you…I love you and that includes all the fights I have had with you, all the things we have enjoyed together, all the things we have discussed over and all the things we have argued on…It includes every damn phone call to you at the cost of my dinner meal…It includes every damn risk you have taken talking to me despite your issues…it includes all the verbal abuses I’ve thrown at you…It includes all the things you have said to me and made me suffer about… It includes every smile you have given me…every touch I felt of you on my skin…Every night I thought of you and cried to realise you are not gonna be with me…every lie i told you only to tell you the truth 10 minutes later… every thing I have done for you and never told you that I did it….

I love you…and yes..I am still crazy for you… come to me and tell me you do not feel the same way I do…tell me if u can…else I am going to delete this blog within 1 month… with no more sane posts…yes..u got me right…and with will end all of my online presence…not to forget that I do not have an offline one… 🙂

P.S. :- I love you sweetheart


>
I was walking alone, on the wet sand,
you said you wanted to hold my hand,
You said you wanted to be with me,
No matter whatever the situation be,

You said you will always be by my side,
and that you have nothing to hide,
You took me from me, you took my spirit,
You changed me into what I see in mirror but don’t know

You told this was special, that we were so meant to be,
And I just smiled, happy and joyous and free,
You made me fly, made me laugh, I ask now “WHY?”,
When all that you wanted to do was to make me cry?

You decided all, when to come, when to go, when to leave me alone,
Never thought of me, as if I was nothing, lifeless like a stone,
You left me stranded on crossroads, without telling which way to go,
“What do I do now?”..I won’t ask YOU! Though even I don’t know!


>
This emptiness, creeps into the chamber of my mind,
Telling me to withdraw, to take a step behind,
I am confused, my eyes are blank,
I do not know how deal with this,

I was at peace, with everything in place,
Or was it? Now the only question in the “empty space”?
It all seems absurd, to even ponder over,
when I do not even want a friend, or a lover,

Losing my way or learning? I can not say!
For I never knew to think like this way,
I fumble at the door, the door of the knowledge,
I want know why this change I can’t understand,

Which way to go, I swear I don’t know,
Will you leave me or deliver a deadly blow?
I want to run far far away from here,
To a place where, no fear would be near,

Is it a meteor unknown, from the deeps of another world?
Or is it the rose, from my very own garden? I don’t know!!
Glowing inside me, or is it a hallucinating spark?
I wander in the mist, searching for a light in the dark,


>
hmmm… Nice title…what you think? I think it is pretty good. Nice way to start a rather controversial issue. Well, not everyone agrees with me, but then, I never ask anyone to. :p

Back to the topic again, “Are you suffocating?” I mean, I am not talking about that cigarette that you smoked 37 minutes ago, neither about how you are feeling in the loo this early morning. No…. I prefer to talk about them rather straight forwardly . Arghhhhh…ok ok..

When was the last time you really felt at peace with her/him without wanting to feel so? I mean, you should not be looking for internal satisfaction, it should be always there, right? I have seen many relationships; not to forget some of mine too; where either one or the both of the participants(well a rather crude term to use, but then, lets be frank here at least) were just pretending so much to show the other one that they were happy that they almost forget the real meaning of happiness. It is not something which takes a ticket and catches a train, so that it can reach to you at a specified time and place. I hope you do not have that notion of happiness.

So do you feel a longing inside you even now? Despite having so many parties to attend together, how many times do you have dinner together on a non-party day? Is the relationship only meant for parties? I mean okay, in Indian context I am not going to be focusing much on Live-in relationships(though I want to, and I promise will write on it someday), still having a dinner with your better half is no more a taboo in Indian culture!! At least I do not think so! So, tell me, despite him doing so many “cute” and “sweet” things for you, how many times it had been the case that you have expected him to show some more love and were disappointed, only to put up a face still smiling and never telling him how you felt. You’d rather tell your inner self that everything is okay and it is the way life goes. Does it?? Is it what you wanted 1 year back? Are the scenarios same? Are you afraid of talking to him about the issues on your mind? Or are you too afraid of letting go of the stability in your life? Afraid of feeling like a loser?

For guys, I think I can explain your agony with your loved one much better as I am a guy(yes…stop grinning). “Why was her cell busy despite her telling about her studying and not being able to talk to me”, or “Is there someone else”, or “Why is she behaving so strange” to “Why she always starts the same issue…I told her there is nothing between me and my ex!!!” . Remember something??? :p Yes…that’s the way with guys, they will think all this, and will never ask the other one just because they are too afraid and insecure about making things worse than they already are. Wake up guys, it is the best thing to mouth your fears rather than accumulating them inside which often results in bizarre results. It is never wrong to say what is in your mind…never

So .. all I want to say is that do not suffocate… rise up and say what is inside your mind…if the other person loves you so much as both of you think, there should not be any space for such holes in a relationship which suck away all the melody from it.


>
And as she prepared, to move away,
He searched for words,something to say,
She looked at him, trying to smile,
He realised, they had only a while,

He remembered, the time they spent,
Smiling he wondered, “What that meant”,
She gathered strength, to face the things,
“No more heartaches, No moody swings”,

They wondered inside, how to live their lives,
But none said a single word,there were no cries,
Though they were parting,it was no parting away,
But they must face this,they didn’t have a say,

He thinks of her,perhaps even she does,
He wants her back, not that now it matters,
The love is gone, the dream is gone,
He is drenched in rain,standing all alone


>
I lie on my bed, trying your number,
it says you’re busy, “where” I wonder,
It rings for a while,and I start to smile,
Only to know that,you have cut it again,

I think of times, when you were not so cold,
I think of times, when I thought you were too bold,
You never ignored me,you dint run away,
I never thought, life would turn this way,

We liked each other, and we liked the way it was,
Never realised it was so fragile,just like glass,
We never complained, we never fought,
And faced together, the troubles life brought,

You said you loved me, what we had was all true,
Every sorrow was gone and every joy was new,
Now when I think of that, I wonder where it went,
That smile of yours, that smell of your scent,

I wonder where we lost, what made us pay this cost,
Why you became so cold,just like the winter frost,
I am still try to call you,trying to get you back,
May be we can make it work,despite evrything we lack.

>:( I am going mad.


>Yes, its official now. I am sort of going mad. I have been doing things which no sane person in her/his full senses would call sensible. Dunno what I want. A week ago I was thinking I had grown up. That thought seems like a poor joke to me now.

I need to hold myself.


>

SNOWFLAKES

The boy sits in a corner,out in the cold,

trying to fight the cold wid his rags,trying to be bold,

NO!He’s no character of some drama or play,

He’s an orphan,abandoned,struggling night and day,

He begs on the street,in his old torn jacket,

little he remembers of mom,he only has her locket,

She worked at a factory,chemicals they say,

She always coughed hard,and one day they took her away,

His neighbours left him out,coz the factory took the home,

They actually never liked her,coz she was a single mom,

He no more goes to school,he no more gets to play,

For snowflakes leave u cold,when the heater is away,

He got neighbours’ clothes,old and torn,

For now its festival tym,these things have to be thrown,

His friends don’t talk to him now,

Coz he can’t see them anymore,

He sleeps mostly on the footpath,lucky wen he gets a bench,

and dreams of new nd warm clothes,nd something nice to munch,

He dreams of the chicken soup,they enjoyed last winter,

And of the nice stories,his momtook away wid her,

I don’t wish to wake him up from his warm dream,

for its so cold out here,and he wud never be cold in his dream,

So I let him sleep and dream of the nice dinner he had last tym,

and he sleeps quitely,as if mom is singing a hymn…


>Well, I wrote this poem last year. I rate this one as my best till date. I was amused myself how could I think of these things. But then, its real. It happens in our world. We do outcast some people and brand them as “unwanted”. This one is dedicated to a girl whom I could never meet. Whom I never knew. She had AIDS.

She’s a small girl, only 8,
but she has seen a lot, mom says its only fate,
she wants to play,out wid the kids,
but mom says NO, perhaps coz she has AIDS,

she spends time in a room, wid the dead dolls,
so alone, that no one sees how many times a tear rolls,

She remembers when she was 7,
and her life seemed to b jus like heaven,
she remembers it was the same year dad died,
mom says he’s on a trip, but she’s seen that mom also cried,

She remembers the red hospital building,mom took her there,
a month after dad’s funeral,
she remembers words like “virus” and “HIV”,
she also remembers doc told mom she has a year or two,

She has seen on TV,AIDS doesn’t spread by a touch,
still she’s bafflled why she can’t share Bro’s lunch,
She prays to the GOD to be kind,
and make her family happy again,

Her mother’s very sick nowadays,
that’s why granny came to stay,
She can see life go out of her mom’s body,
she frowns,perhaps that’s satan’s only hobby,

Her mother died yesterday,before her eyes,
and now she knows she’s the next,no more lies,
she lives with the granny,her bro’s safe 8 uncle’s,
she misses a company,some1 to play with,

she uses crutches to walk,
and now its difficult to talk,
she doesn’t eat much now,
but she mumbles a lot,

She prays to the GOD,to send her to her parents,
With whom she can live happily forever,
And she hopes there she can get friends to play with,
she hopes for a life without crutches,

I don’t know her and you don’t know her,
and perhaps that’s why we don’t give a damn,
but let me tell you,its worth a billion bucks,
to put a true smile on her little lips,

I hope someday I can make her happy,
just by being with her for a while,
She might be here for a shorter time,
but that doesn’t mean she can’t smyle…..


>She saw him walking away,
Full in anger,
She heard the curses he muttered,
He sure meant them, whatever,

He wished she wouldn’t have done such things,
Never thought it will come down to this,
He never called her anything bad, not even mean,
He simply walked away with a tear in his eyes, that always remained unseen.

%d bloggers like this: