>The "OTHER" Proposal

>

3rd October 2001

“So, do you really think this is gonna work?”

“Yeah!! It will if you do not run away from her again at the last moment”

“Eh…what makes you think I will do something like that?”

“Tera past record dekh ke to aisa hi lagta hai. Sale bol kyun nai deta jaake aaj usko”

“Well….aaj …aaj 😀 “

“Dekhte hain…. tell me what happened when I return from the school in the evening”

“Yup…chal tata”

“Bye C”

“Bye M”

That evening, C proposed S.

M was still not in love with S.

The storm was nowhere in the sight.
 

>Confessions :( – PART -I

>

April 10, 2004

It was nearly 1 in the night and he was as usual busy with friends, cracking jokes and killing time, just like that. That was the general life there in the hostel at that time. Cigarettes, jokes, groups and tonnez to talk about. College life was still an infant, just 2 months old, starting from Valentine’s day that year itself(Sometimes I think ki starting date hi aisi thi, that’s why he had to face such things). So you can pretty much guess that they were still in the stage where you discuss things about crushes, failures,cribbing about not getting into IITs, chicks in the college and stuff like that. That night was no extraordinary.

Not for all atleast.

Not untill 1 am atleast.

“Abe tera phone hai be…”, Ashish shouted from his room.
He couldn’t believe his ears. Since the day he proposed , i.e. on fool’s day, there hasn’t been a single day when she called that late. Calls have been formal, perhaps out of awkwardness from his side, and perhaps due to confusion from her’s.

He rushed to Ashish’ room and took the phone from him. Putting his palm over the speaker, he asked Ashish, “Tere cell mein kitna balance hai?” “350”, came the reply, relieving him. He still had to get his Nokia 2300. Many things that would happen in the future were still to happen. Well, we will come to that l8r.

“Hello…”, he said.
“Hi…where were you?”, she asked.
“Well, was in my room. And as you know, I do not have a mobile. Not yet”, he said in an irritated tone, knowing that she was just making a base for something else. She was always like this. He always told her that she has a good argumentative attitude. Only that he did not like it when she used to apply it to him.

“You called so late??”, it was now his turn to enquire, and as usual, he was direct to the point.

“Hmmm… wanted to talk to you, if it is ok with you…”, she replied.

He sensed this won’t be alright. Though he was still inexperienced, but his instincts told him that there is something about that night that would change many things. Still, he can’t deny her. He CANT!!!

“Kya hua…you there??? “, She asked, listening to the storm spread in his silence.

“Yep…bolo… I am here…was just not expecting your call..not so late actually”, he said, snuggling into Anand’s chair. He had told Anand and his roommate(only one of them was in the hostel at that time that they can sleep in his bed instead and he would rather not like to be disturbed. Others had gone to some place or other, so it was sort of a privacy for him. Just like he wanted.)

“Well… how are you “, she asked him for the first time in many days after the fool’s day fiasco.

“I am good…gr8!!!”, he said, trying to find some meaning in her questions and trying to fool himself that this is just a simple call, that it has nothing to do with the proposal.

“Hmmmm….Are you alone there??”, she asked.

His heart missed a heartbeat. It cant be! For a moment he thought that the unthinkable is going to happen.
I can still feel the disappointment in his heart when it simply turned out to be a casual question and nothing as he dreamt of with open eyes. Anyways, he was glad she broke the ice by asking about the Fool’s Day Proposal. But at the same time, he feared the things he had known for a very long long time and prayed to god to favor him this one last time. Seems god also sleeps at night.

It started very innocently with a joke. He said something about the delhi girls and she was at her best denying it. Then talks drifted towards future, about college and her admission(Which was pending as of then.. she was in Delhi after her 12th board examinations) and stuff like that.
“Navneet, were you serious that day?”, suddenly she took a giant leap and asked it.

He was relieved…. he was afraid… He had the answer…He couldn’t say it….He had to…

“Yes ‘S’ “… he said and instantly smiled…smiled at the ease with which many things had become crystal clear between them…smiled at the joy it brought to him thinking that finally he had the courage to tell her that he loves her…smiled at his foolishness of April 1st proposal idea… smiled at everything…

“hmmm…really? You love me?”, she still needed some assurance, having had her own set of heartbreaks, she was no novice to these things afterall….or atleast he thought so…

“Hmmmm..yes S..I love you…and not from today.. I have loved you for last 3 years….And I was silent all these years only for everyone’s peace of mind…There was a lot of confusion already…and I thought perhaps the best thing to do is to be quiet…and not to tell anyone..”,He said more than he thought of…and felt proud about it..

“You know something??”, she said with a tinge of naughtiness in her voice…

“What!!??”, he was irritated..obviously..

“I knew that you sort of liked me… I knew it from the way you looked at me”, she said it so simply as if it was nothing….and he took 3 years to say it.

“Huh….We seldom talked in Ranchi….and whenever we did, it was in the presence of either my bros or yours…remember??”, it was nice seeing them having a heart to heart talk…it was really soothing after all these years of suffocating and keeping it inside, he was finally able to speak his mind….he did not know it but something was changing inside him that night…He will never be that shy guy again…He will never be an introvert again… he will never get away without speaking what his mind desires and what his heart thinks…
He will never back down again….

He is still fighting…

To be continued….

>The last rendezvous

>
April 2009

“Ticket ticket!!!” He was awaken from a sleepless dream by the rough voice of the bus conductor. “uh… Lemme see if I do have any change”, he thought to himself and surprisingly, a ten rupee note was crumpled in his jeans pocket. Handing it over to the conductor, he looked around the bus. It was all packed and only saving grace was the window by his side and the cool air slapping on his face, making his always un-made hair go even more haywire. “Only if I didn’t have to go to Juhu so quick, I would have taken the train… Crap!!!”, he murmured to himself and then looked outside the window, falling back in his open eye dreams. “Why am I going to see her? After all this????” He had no answer.

4 months earlier

“Hello…??”, he spoke into the phone, knowing very well he should not have called her up in first place. He waited for the voice, waited for it to cut through his heart. “Hi Navi…”, the voice said on the other side. Both sides went silent. Perhaps they had too much to say to each other. Perhaps they had nothing.
“I am in Pune. Have a test. Can you meet me?”, he summoned up all his courage and asked her the forbidden.
“Why do you want to meet me Navi?”
“Well, I just thought…umm…well I wanted to meet you.”
“Hmmmm…. I can’t come. I do not want to see you anymore.”
His mind went blank on hearing the inevitable. “No, I must not fall down now…I have an exam to take in a few hours…. this was expected….I should not…must not..fall now….”, an array of random thoughts went through his head.

“Hmmmm…ok”, was all he could manage to utter before hanging up.
I still remember him crying for 2 hours after reaching back Mumbai at 12 midnight. I do not know how he held the fort the whole day. May be one day I will learn from him.

Suddenly the loud ringing of his cellphone woke him back to reality. It was 5:45 in the evening. “Anonymous Calling” blinked on the screen. He picked up the phone and talked like a machine to her. Following her instructions about how to reach her hotel, and noted everything in his head, which seldom forgets things. Not atleast about her.

10 minutes later, he was on his way to her hotel, in a rickshaw.
He smiled to himself,”Finally it will be over tonight”

He had yet to learn things.

>Fool’s Proposal

>
“April Fool!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!” , he shouted into the phone… He waited for a response from the other side as he literally jumped on the hostel roof, laughing uncontrollably, so much that tears welled up in his eyes. He wondered if they were indeed from laughing :)…

Silence…no response yet, he wondered if she hung up. “Hello?… hello???”, he searched for her response.
“Its not funny, Navneet(he was yet to be christened as Navi…the name which will be his identity for many coming years, perhaps forever)”, she spoke softly and paused again.
He became serious now. No laughing, no jumping, no pretense, no more. He again said,”arrey it was just a prank re….watch the time :P”, and he looks into his cell time and said, “Its, past 12….today’s Fool’s day …ha ha ha ha”

Again silence…”Navneet, you’re so mean!!! I should have seen that coming. But again, when it comes to you, its not easy to guess”. He thought for a moment if she really believed him, then became sure by her tone. Still, there was something changed in her behaviour that made him suspicious. It had to be fool proof….Either this way, or no way….There can not be a middle way. “I can’t afford to be caught”, he thought to himself and tried changing the topic.

“So who are YOU gonna fool today?? Now that you have been already fooled 😛 ??”,he asked her, praying she doesn’t get any hint or clue about the reality…His eyes became moist, and he was sure it wasn’t from laughing this time…or ever… He controlled the emotions inside him..”This is not the time to think about it… I will think when I have time for myself… I will have plenty of it now…”, he said to himself, trying to console his aching heart, telling it that he knew this would happen, that there is nothing to be sad about…that she was never his…

“Navneet, were you seriously making me fool or…??”, the voice from other side cracked into the phone, and uttered the unsaid, the one which must not be said….the forbidden…or as he thought…

“Obviously, you really thought I would propose you?? :O lol… naah girl… It was a prank and just a prank!!! IT has nothing to do with reality.”, he recited the words he had been practicing for last four days, ever since he made this leak proof plan… April 1st was the perfect occasion to do it…. The three letters would either mean everything to her or he will turn it into a prank…. When he said them, she went silent and his greatest fears of the inevitable came true…so he had to switch to planB.. the prank thing…. he wondered what he would have said had she said yes…. “What if….”, he smiled to himself.

“Navneet…you there??”, the voice again brought him into reality, the harsh reality that meant she wasn’t least interested in him. He sobered up and braced himself.”Navneet, were you really joking??”, she asked again…”Ofcourse re !!! We are friends na..and its my duty to pull your leg every now and then!!! “, he said with the same deceptive smile and tone that would be his forte for coming years….”And besides, ki fark painda hai!!! Whether I was joking or not, you wouldn’t have accepted it anyways!!”,he blurted out….and cursed himself the very next moment for doing so….

“Navneet..??? Tell me please.. I need to know, coz I do not think you were just joking”
“Naah re…seriously… I swear!!!”, and he swore false things….something that he will do now all his life to hide things….perhaps he should tell her the truth….perhaps that’s the right thing to do….but as he said…”ki fark painda hai”

“Okay…as you wish….hmmmm… I thought…”, and she paused in between…

“What?? That I love you?? “

“hmmmm..dunno..you said it making it feel so real that I believed you”

“hmmm… imagine if I wasn’t bluffing, then what would you have done??”

“Navneet!! you know na..you know it all na??”

“Hmmmm…ryt…anyways…leave it…”

“Could you??”

“Yes…it was just a prank and let’s forget it here and now…”, he said with a sore throat…

“hmmmm..okkkk…”

“ok”

“okay chal have to hang up else someone would wake up and wonder what I am doing this late in the balcony”

“Okay…bbye…take care.. “

“Bye Navneet”

“Good night”

“good night”

He hangs up….and sits on the wall of hostel roof….thinking what he just did…. He proposed the girl he loved madly for last 4 years…and turned it into a prank…”It was the right thing to do….didn’t you know she would be shocked to know this??didn’t you understand it was foolish to do in first place???You saw na her reaction…she wasnt saying anything and once you convinced her that it was a prank, she was back to normal”

“But she was suspicious of your prank thing”, a faint voice spoke from within, the voice of his heart.

“Well, I think I convinced her pretty well”, the mind spoke.

He watched his mind and heart fight for something which they would never be able to understand….HIM….and smiled…. he knew this is just the beginning of a life long dispute…

He saw the screen saver in his cell…it read…

00:45 hours
April 01, 2004

>Crazy

>I know I have to be mad to be writing this post…almost same as my earlier post… Pardon me if it seems boring sort of to u people….This time it is PERSONAL…

I love you…I love you and that includes all the fights I have had with you, all the things we have enjoyed together, all the things we have discussed over and all the things we have argued on…It includes every damn phone call to you at the cost of my dinner meal…It includes every damn risk you have taken talking to me despite your issues…it includes all the verbal abuses I’ve thrown at you…It includes all the things you have said to me and made me suffer about… It includes every smile you have given me…every touch I felt of you on my skin…Every night I thought of you and cried to realise you are not gonna be with me…every lie i told you only to tell you the truth 10 minutes later… every thing I have done for you and never told you that I did it….

I love you…and yes..I am still crazy for you… come to me and tell me you do not feel the same way I do…tell me if u can…else I am going to delete this blog within 1 month… with no more sane posts…yes..u got me right…and with will end all of my online presence…not to forget that I do not have an offline one… 🙂

P.S. :- I love you sweetheart

>And you came back again…November 2004

>
“Navneet, Navneet!! Darwaaza khol!!”

“Who is this??? Baad mein aana…so rahein hain abhi” I muttered some swear words and turned my head inside my razaai again.

“Abe Ashish hain hum… khol…Phone hai tera…”

“Phone?? Abe Kal de dena. M Sleeping now”, I shouted, clearly annoyed with already having lost my sleep.

“Abe tera call hai”, Ashish shouted back.

I was puzzled. I remembered having talked to Ma in the evening. “And why on earth would someone call me at 2 am in night?”

Anyways, I got up and opened the door. Ashish was standing there in a baniyan and a three-quarter, with a half way burnt cigarette in his hand. Hostel life.. I smiled and muttered a half swear looking at him, cursing him for waking me up in this chilling winter night.
I looked at him and snatched the cigarette first from him, the took the phone. “Kiska hai??”, I asked Ashish. He simply motioned me in my room and put 3 more cigarettes in my pocket.
I was surprised at this act of benevolence from him, especially with cigarettes.
“Hello…”, i finally spoke into the speaker phone after realising that the other person was still on the line.

“Hi” A melodious voice went through my ears…to my mind… making it go blank…

It can’t be!!! It can’t be her!! I leaned on the the wall and slipped down to sit on the floor of my hostel room.

“Oh…Its you..”,was all that I could mutter.

“How are you Navi”, the voice asked. That was the first time someone called me by that name. The legacy still continues.

I was out of my body. I could see the look of shocked-joy on my face. I could see the dimly lit cigarette in my hand, with a fair amount of ash on its tip due to no attention being paid to it. I didn’t need it now. My biggest addiction was back. She was back.

>An evening

>

“I want to buy something for you”,she said. “Why? I don’t need anything”, he said smiling, knowing that its useless to try to convince her once she has made up her mind. She was always this fragile, cute, lovely but at times a very very strong willed girl. He thought,”Perhaps I love the way she defies me….”

They were in love.

“Look at this!!! It’s so sweet. Your sister will like this…I know..she will”, her voice grabbed his attention. But he wasn’t listening anything. He was just listening her voice, not what she said. He looked at her face, so innocent, so fresh and as always, full of love. “Hello!! Where are you mister??? “, and he came back from his hypnotized state. “hmmm?? Did you say something??”,he asked. He could hear only a giggle back and felt a pat on his head… “pagal ho bilkul tum”

“No way…. you aren’t buying me this!! I do not like it…its..its so.. GIRLISH…!!! no way…”. Her face lost all color at his remarks… How she wanted him to have this as a symbol of their relationship!! And this idiot is thinking about his position and all!!Huh!!

“Okay, so tell me finally. Are you letting me gift you this or not?”, she said. “Why, do you think I will allow you do that to me?”, he hit back. “Obviously, I’ll do whatever I want to do with you!”, she said with a mischief in her eyes. He was standing there, shocked. Never before she has been so open with him in person. It took him a moment to regain his composure. “Huh…And what if I do not let you ?”. They were enjoying this for sure, no matter if for the first time.

“It’s very simple,I’ll hit you! I’ll slap you!”, ending the sentence, she slapped him gently on his left cheek. “This is getting too much, I must have a control on myself”, he thought. “Oh! You slapped me you dirty….”, he stopped in the middle of his sentence. She was looking at him as if she was expecting him to open up and wanted him to say what he was saying. He didn’t say a word.

“So you slapped me. I’ll take my revenge and slap you too.”, saying this he moved towards her. No one was in their lane, and it was almost empty, for it was almost 9 pm on a cold evening of December. He stopped at a finger’s distance, realizing he wasn’t going to hit her. She closed her eyes as he lifted his hand. He was looking at her face. Everything else became meaningless in that one moment. He could die happily and have no wishes left in his heart that moment. He looked at her lips. He wanted to kiss them. Perhaps she also wanted him to kiss them. He rested his hand on her cheek and caressed it. He touched his lips with his fingers and suddenly moved away.

She was still standing there with her eyes closed. He went on to sit on a chair and said,” I think its getting late. You should go to your PG now. I also have a bus to catch.” She opened her eyes. He thought he saw some moistness there, but looked away from her. She said,”I’ll drop you to the bus stand else you will get lost”

They didn’t speak another word for next one hour in the taxi.

“Bus stand aa gaya?”
“Haan”
“Ok”
“ok”

“bye”
he didn’t reply to her bye. He just kept looking towards her. Then it happened. She took the clip out of her hair and let them free. He kept looking at her. He wished he had kissed her back in the shop. She just smiled at him, as if to say “It’s ok Navi, I understand”

He turned back and walked towards his bus,into the darkness.

>Hope

>”Never deprive anyone of hope… however faint it might be.

It might be the only thing they have”

– Anonymous

>Hate this feeling I love :-(

>
I was working about half an hour ago. Learning web designing. Just then I felt like urge of listening to a song by mohit chauhan. Actually my room mates were boozing a few hours ago and they were all searching for this one song and could not find it. I thought of playing it now that all are asleep and no one is here to disturb me. I played the song… “Tumse hi…” I suddenly became motionless. I do not know what effect this song had me at that moment, but I sure did feel like an urge of dancing with her.

It rarely happens to me. I am not someone who would let himself fall apart like this. But in that one moment, I knew I missed her. I knew I felt the urge to hug her, to tell her that I love her, to kiss her. I wanted to see her. A tear might have trickled down. I do not know. I do not want to know. I loved that one moment after a long long time.

I do not want to feel like that ever again. It hurts a lot. 😦

I didn’t smoke or drink today while my friends were at it.

>Summer of 69…actually..make that 2001 :p

>Continued form Amused Me

Well, the classes started. 16 June,2001. It was quite a new experience for a guy like me who was from a very small place and wasn’t used to such big schools containing 2 thousand students in just +2 . My earlier school had barely 400 in all. Anyways, since I has accustomed to the city, school wasn’t much of discomfort. In fact, I made some very good friends on the first day itself. I still remember meeting Kunal,Pushkar,Sanatan…hmmm.. There were others too..Abhishek..then abhishek..nd another abhishek…and finally..one more abhishek….I was hilarious…$ for the same name. We used to call them from their surnames. Then, there were girls. Ahhhh… Well.. Being the shy guy I was, I avoided talking to them but had my every sense awake while hearing their introductions… Well….signs…

There was this girl Megha(name changed) who was very beautiful. Though there were others too, but this one caught my attention(most of it). Well, her eyes and the way she laughed…ahhh..I think that day I was smitten all over her. Apparently, though I never proposed her(or even talked to her much), she plays a very important part in my story. She is the base of my story.

>My CAT Story part II

>If you could remember, I posted my CAT story from Pagalguy sometime back. That was the first part of my story. I am posting now the second part, which is by no means the final one, as I am yet to script my story. Will post the final part sometime next year when I am sure my war with CAT is over. Here is the post I wrote:-

Continued from

CAT’s a coffee shop on the highway (All I wanted to Speak about CAT)

Well… I had penned down my experience till 2007 season before, but thought of writing the things that happened thereafter as I have learnt new things during last one year. First of all my apologies to those who might find it rather long and unnecessary in first place, I just had to write it, if only for my own sake.

A job which keeps you engaged from 7 in the morning till 10-11-12 in the night is not the most optimum one to prepare for the MBA exams (especially CAT) side by side. Reasons? Well… you would not like it when its 1 am in the morning while you are munching ( or shall I rather say, swallowing) your dinner while reading the funda books or a novel. You keep studying till 3-4 am in the morning and wake up again at 7 in the morning, only to realise that the washroom is occupied and you will be again running after your company bus for the umpteenth time this week. You sure make good friends with the rickshaw wallahs and the driver and conductor of the bus this way though. I am sure you would like to spend your time in a better manner than this.

Well, the only one good thing Mumbai traffic has given me is the plenty of time in the bus to study and to sleep. Its really a bliss when the bus is stuck in the traffic and you are solving mathematics, the concentration you can create is AWESOME…I loved doing that. Besides, it also meant I would be spending less time in office and so the burden would be lesser than usual(or so I thought…lol).

Now comes the office part. One lesson. Never ever tell anyone in your office( unless they are completely harmless or are your bestest of friends) that you are preparing for MBA. Not at least when she/he is your PM/BDO/Senior Manager. It helps little to your already hectic schedule when you are reprimanded on not finishing the given task within the time frame(which of course is lesser than the life span of antimatter). Also, it is very much probable that you will be taunted that your work is getting affected due to your MBA preparations(They seldom think its the other way round). Huh.

Well…do not let your senior know of the MBA sites you have been surfing of late. She/He might as well stalk you there too and ask you to not to use these sites and rather concentrate on your work. USE LUNCH TIME FOR ALL READING(IF YOU CAN DO WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT). HAVE LUNCH WHEN YOUR SENIOR RETURNS FROM THE LUNCH.

Get back on the first bus to home rather than waiting and working in the office till 10 pm in the night. It is really irritating when you have to do that as you know that you will not be getting enough time to study and sleep early and that you will be caught in the loop again.

Well… Now you know what I went through last 1 year. I enrolled into CL weekend classes and surprised myself by performing really good. I mean, I got 74%ile in the diagnostic mock. And thereafter I improved myself pretty good. I never felt like I was out of touch or something like that. But the real surprise came when I took the 1st mock. I got a pretty decent 95+%ile. It was really morale boosting. Thereafter I kept studying regularly.

NOTE:- DO NOT FALL FOR ANY (AND THAT MEANS ANY ANY ANY) GIRL IN YOUR COACHING CENTRE. YOU STOP CONCENTRATING ON YOUR STUDIES PROPERLY AND THE RESULTS ARE HAMPERED. I FELL FOR SOMEONE AND THEN FELL TO 80%ILE IN MY 4TH MOCK( OR MAY BE 5TH).

Practice regularly even if you think you are very good in some specific section. Do not become complacent. Also, give more time to your weak section and do not just ignore or believe your mock scores. They are like convex mirrors… “Images in the mirror are closer than they look” Remember na??I scored almost at an average of 96-97%ile….barring a few occasions, when I crossed 99.97%ile once and also 78%ile. Apart from those mocks…95-99 was my domain, and I thought I was pretty much on the track. At least I thought that….

NOTE:- DO NOT LET YOUR EX-GFS SPOIL YOUR LIFE AGAIN. THEY HAVE DONE THAT ONCE, SO THEY KNOW HOW TO DO IT AGAIN. YOU HAVE SUFFERED ONCE, SO YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW HOW NOT TO SUFFER AGAIN.

The PG meets meanwhile were an eye-opener for me. I have made many friends through these meets, and have learnt a lot from them. Some of them are pursuing their MBAs this year, while some will start the journey with me. I even got selected in Mumbai Dream team in PGPL, which failed finally. But it has given me such a network of friends that I do really feel proud to among them. Someday, I want to make them proud of me too.(I know, it would be an exception…lol)Well, the forms were out and as I had planned, I filled almost all of my choice of colleges. I wonder though, why do CAT people do not come out with the correct solutions within a week of the exam. This way we students/aspirants would not have to fill up each and every damn form. Is it so that CAT people do not have proper solutions to the questions before conduction the exam? Is it so??? to CAT management committee.Well, I think I spent around 14k on the MBA forms last year. Would not be repeating the mistake this time round. Hit something…some CAT question from CAT 2009…. hospital rounds??? lol … Anyways, I went on an extensive 20 day vacation to my native place(not before fighting with my seniors a lot for extending it from 15 to 20 days). It helped me a lot in becoming the complacent Navi I am famous for. I really became complacent in the name of taking lesser tension. It seems that’s when I lost it.

Come C-Day and the first thing I remember is when I was out of the Examination hall. The 150 minutes were a blur. All I could remember was that there were 40 questions in EURC(my nemesis the last time round), and 25-25 in other two sections. Quantss initially seemed tough to me, but then I chose the right questions and solved 12 of them. DI again was too much math-a-pachhi doing, but I seemed to find a way round and solved only the right questions. 10 in DI.

Now I turned to my nemesis. EURC. I saw the watch. I had 55 minutes. I browsed through the section and found it rather easy. NO FIJS…lol… Some sentence corrections, some RCs, some grammar mistakes…”That’s all?? “, I asked myself. BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE. For once again, I became complacent. It cost me speed and accuracy, both. And finally an IIM seat. I could solve only 18 when others did 24-30 and some even all questions.

Final results.
QA- 12 attempted-All correct-48 marks..98.xx %ile
LRDI- 10 attempted- All correct-40 marks.. 97%ile
EURC 18 attempted- 8 correct-10 incorrrect-22 marks- A PATHETIC 64.xx %ile…

FINAL- 95.12%ile

Calls. IMT-G,TAPMI,IMI-Delhi
I was devastated.
Even XAT could not get me through. Just 97%ile.
JMET- not qualified.
FMS – not qualified
SNAP – uski to
IIFT -not qualified( unki bhi )

Finally Attended only IMT-G and IMI-D GD-PIs. Skipped TAPMI after reaching the college(They were asking for 10 L as course fee)
Meanwhile, I lost my job one fine day after slogging for 15 hours on average in office. Reason:- No reason. Unki bhi
I went through 2 breakups during this time which added no respite to my already going bad phase. But , but but but, 1 thing I learnt that no matter no one stands by me, I will always be there for myself.

Most of the first half of this year, I have been busy looking for a new job, not in software/private sector anymore. Stability is the word for me this time, in the government sector. I do not know where this quest will lead me and I have had my share of doubts over my ability. But I have come through all of them, with full faith in myself and now again I am preparing for season 2009. Though I still have to enrol for any test series, I will do it soon and when I am there, I know I will sail through this sea of uncertainty.

I wish next time I write my experience, its all on a positive note and I have at last something to boast of and to be proud about.

PS:- Do not go seeing off your ex on CST airport. It makes you more emotional and weak than you would ever want to be.

See you friends… see you soon

Till then…. Rock ON…

P.P.S. :- Most important lesson I learnt was to struggle in the worst of the times. Though I am still struggling hard with circumstances, I have the belief and more importantly, a guard against complacency this time. I just hope I peak at the right time, not like the last time, when I peaked too early and went down thereafter.

>The anti smoking campaign

>Well, finally it is over. I am really kind of glad about it. You really don’t like it when your clothes smell of tobacco( and that too burnt) and all your face gets itchy, not to forget the pungent smell left in your hand after you have just finished smoking. It is really a wierd feeling(provided you are conscious about your cleanliness) to have such a smell around you all the day.

That was just one of the million reasons I quit smoking. Well to list some more…

First and the most important, “SMOKING CAUSES CANCER”. Come on… there is no lying about that. It is one of the most dangerous addictions ever hit mankind since it discovered sex. But though both seem to be giving you “a flying state of mind”, the former makes sure you get to the grave(not flying, but being driven a truck or something)
I decided(like million times before) that it was enough for me for one lifetime to take in so much of the smoke. Surprisingly, when I went through a thorough checkup recently, nothing popped up. I mean, nothing like a patch in my lungs, or High BP, or something else in my intestines/throat. I was shocked. Te first thought that came to mind was, “Shit! Now they have started adulterating Ciggis too…?? All my money into nothing? “
On a more serious note, I thought this is one chance God has given me( Though I do not believe in God a lot.. I do a little), and if I throw away this one, I’d never be able to get rid of it.
So, I quit even though it doesn’t seem to have affected me in any serious way(apart from ripping my purse and taking most of it away).

Well atleast I am consistent in this one area. Of quitting things(and sometimes people)
Also, there is this urge among the young men(especially) to look cool. I know a very good friend of mine, Suhas(name changed), who started smoking just to impress other(read girls) and to look cool. He thought it was an integral part of life to do such things. Well, I told him when he was lighting up the first ciggi of his life,”Suhas, do not start this. You will become addicted”. “I wont”, he said.

Today, Suhas smokes atleast a pack daily and says to me, “You were right Navneet, I want to quit now but can’t. Also, doesn’t this look so cool?” I just smile. Well, I do not feel guilty. Atleast I tried.

Another friend, Prashant(name chaanged). He was my roommate and is still among one my best friends. Its another thing that we do not talk much anymore. Anyways, this was the guy who introduced me to the world of smoking and porn. Well, I never watched any till I went into college.
So here was this guy, who was smoking since…ummm…1999..and we met in college in 2004. He was so thin my pants used to slip away from him. I too was thin back then, not now…lol.. So he always used to smoke. Morning tea, after breakfast, 10 am tea, before lunch tea,after lunch ,afternoon tea and blah blah blah… I wondered how could he do that with such a fragile health.
2006 october. The guy fell sick. Vomiting and high fever. Blood too. He was taken to his home by his brother and when after 2 months he returned, he could barely be recognized. He was half of his previous self. It was really shocking for all of us.

Initially he didn’t tell us what he actually suffered from. Then one day he broke down in front of some close friends and told us he was detected with T.B. We were shocked. I mean we see these things all the time in movies and TV. But we never think it could happen to us. There lies the problem. We keep telling ourselves lies that nothing will happen to us. After all, who has died after smoking one cigarette??? huh…blasphemy!!

So, this guy was totally barred from many things. His brother came to stay with him for a month and he was undeer constant medication. He took the university paper in that state of mind and body. You sure won’t wanna suffer like that.

We talk sometimes. I ask if he has been smoking again. He tells me… “Not now..never ever after college.” A beer is what he has sometimes to get over with the tension of daily life. But smoke? No way.
He always used to say something which I remember. Though many people said it, but seems I took the thing most seriously when he said it.
He said,” You will never be able to quit”

I called him yesterday. I told him I quit.

>My CAT journey-I

>Well… I posted this article about an year back on Pagalyguy. I thought of sharing it with you all.
You can access the original one here.. MY CAT STORY

Well…perhaps the first time I got aware of CAT “the exam ” was in 2003(yes even way back in 2003, I was equally ignorant), all kudos to Ranjit “Don”, the guy who leaked the papers. That time I thought,”The exam must be a very important one if such a mass level hysteria is in the general public!!”(Yes, I heard one of my elder cousins saying”Dammit…fir se padhna hoga 3 months…”):laugh:

Back then, I was in 12th standard with my results out and my dream of getting into IITs shattered…Also my hopes of fetching respectable marks in XIIth board examination were shattered when I almost flunked in my optional subject.And alongwith that dream, another one that kept me awake(The girl whom I loved all those two years …11th,12th and could not say a single word to her…Man I was some loser material back then!!!), came to an end as I had to return to my home, and she was still in Ranchi.:huh:

However less the margin be,a failure is still a failure. :idea:And I faced a dozen of them(missing the cut offs by silly margins) while looking at my career with a distraught look on my face.That was the first time in my life when I started helping myself out,thinking logically and sorting out the things as they are supposed to be, instead of expecting some miracle to happen and make life heaven..Puys who are reading this, note, “THERE ARE NO MIRACLES, ONLY ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO DO THINGS WHICH LOOK MIRACULOUS TO THOSE WHO DON’T WISH TO MOVE THEIR BUTT”:bigear:

Anyways, time passed quickly once I got into a nice Engg. college…not those biggies…but still a nice one(Yeah that’s what you say when you don’t get what you desire…get habituated to it as there will be many things in your life which you wont be getting…CAT might just being one of them…So make CAT something which doesn’t damage your life if u don’t get it)College life was good…we enjoyed(like everyone in college…and we rocked…even if no one cared..New friends,new life..new-found freedom and a single room…what more can a bachelor ask for??

Then came 2nd year and I heard some of my seniors preparing for CAT…i was surprised!!”Why are they preparing for another exam when they have got comfortable jobs??”, was the first question that popped in my mind.I simnply could not understand why they were trying for something to study when they were having their engg. degree…Why they were trying to put in vain everything they learnt in 4 years?

Anyways, many students in my college joined a nearby coaching centre(a famous one).I followed the suit and asked my parents for a huge sum(13500 INR, which was later invested in making calls to my so-called-GF, the same girl from Ranchi, my school days). They asked what it was for, I told them I wish to do MBA.:sarcasm:

Surprisingly, they were delighted!!So, I enrolled into the institute for 1 week trial period.Also attended the first class and performed well. BUT(yes that’s a big but), never went for the classes ever again. No special reason,I thought it was too much of an effort to maintain a discipline of going to classes(Now when I think of this, going to CL classes every weekend, and managing my hectic job as well, I just smile at what I was at that time).
Anyways, the CAT saga for my 2nd year was only this much and noting much happened afterwards.

Come 3rd year and everyone was mugging up the books and magzines and every single source of any information…GOD!!I came to know a bit later..1 months…that they were all preparing for the campus selection which would take place at the end of 3rd year. In my usual style, I brushed away the concern saying, “The first person to be selected for campus from our batch is ME”. Many people hated me for saying that. Perhaps they still do. I don’t care.

As the pre final year drew to a close, we had our University examination and the first company was scheduled to visit the college merely 5 days after the last exam.Infosys.Yes,like many others, that was my dream job also(Now I sometimes thank GOD taht all my dreams don’t come true!!).GOT REJECTED IN PI ROUND.Cried for the first time on phone while talking to my parents. Anyways, time flies by quickly and seldom we give a thought to the fact that how priorities change(form college to gf…from gf to job…again from job to gf….from gf to career…from career to family…and finally from everyone to one’s true self). My GF dumped me(perhaps for the 100th time in 5-6 years) and I started once again from the scratch.Sharing things with my diary was nothing new and now that I was all alone(barring a few friends who always have been alongside, come what may), it felt nice to vent out all the frustration on my diary.

10th-11thjuly-2006.Got the job. Not my dream job, certainly, but still,a slice of a cake is better than a hungry and aching stomach.That fateful night me and some of my closest friends decided to go for the CAT as now we dint have anything to be bothered about(Job in hand..GF gone…it really becomes a free life!!). Filled the form and started preparing in a group.I knew it from always quants was my stronghold and used to score 35-40% in it(read % ,not %ile) and DI section was also in the place. What worried me most was my performance in EURC section. I did get good scores, but was not consistent.

Never took a mock test all the way and suffered as a result.FIJs.Yes I know you are aware of them now but on the C-day in 2006, that was like a lightening bolt from hell…and it did struck me.Got a pathetic 1 in EURC(after calculating 32 a/c CL and 28 a/c IMS). 99.5%ile in QA and 95.3%ile in LRDI were not enough to help me cross the barrier and the year ended up as a disaster.

Took JMET and XAT also, cleared the cut off for JMET but never got into the merit list of any of the colleges.

CAT-2007:- Didn’t fill the form coz of a newly joined job and a desire to get atleast some work ex along with some experience of working in an office.

CAT-2008:- Working on it. Hoping to add something more to my not so illustrious career just in order to be able post here with some proud.

P.S.:- If you think you can do it, you can. If you think you can’t, you can’t.

Thinking about my GF of 7 years??Dont think much friends….she’s married now..not meeeeee..some other guy…Life goes on …and no one cares..This, by no means is the end of the saga…I’ll see if I can sail through or get drowned….Coz if I sail through,its all ok…and if by chance i drown, he he he…then i’ll get a whole new world to explore.
CAT is by no means the end of the road for me. I believe in oppurtunities….not the results…I think of CAT as one of the many roads which I travel in my journey of life. What if I fail? No issues…I do lose…everyone does sometime…but the point is…that when you lose, don’t lose the lesson. I want to learn as much as I can from my pursuit of CAT.Also, this by no means to represent the whole story….abi to poori kahaani baaki hai…this is just the prologue…

we’ll see….and we’ll rock!!!

>Disappointed me….

>Well…. Someone once said that the world is a stage and we all are here to play our parts….. seems mine is going unnoticed…. I dunno wats wrong with this blog…but I simply get almost 0 people reading it and exactly 0 commenting. Well, I guess its just me here.

No issues. I will continue. And may be I won’t get anyone to read what I write, I will still write. I still do remember my motive of starting this blog, “To get things out of my system”.

I have to write my story. Fast.
Soon.

>Transition…

>Well… Its all a mess… Nothing seems to be moving … life literally sucks…. But am getting amused at this transition in my life… At a point, it used to be happening every moment…now its as static as the frozen ice at the top of a glacier. Still, calm, cold and dead looking; yet waiting for its moment to get in action and to take away everything that comes in its way. Well, I might not be too constructive in this thought, but I know the moment the glacier inside me starts moving, it won’t take it long to gain momentum and flush out this boring-ness and static-ness outta my system.

May be its the silence before the storm.
I want to be silent for a few more days….May be one more month. Then I can start some of the things I have in my mind for quite sometime now. I’d be having my new lappy and enough time with my self….At least by then I’d be back from my visit to home. I sure do not want to shock my parents with the “glacier”… They won’t understand it anyways…lol..