Category: pusa



>
I am standing at the bus stop,
My necktie is going all flip flop,
The hair you combed is messed again,
And all the kisses seem to be in vain,

I wonder if you packed my lunch box,
And my toes want to get out of these socks,
The water bottle feels too heavy now,
I want to be alright, but don’t know how,

I look on the street, the children are playing,
They are also grown ups, why no school for them,
I wonder if you just wanted to send me away,
This single thought makes my head go down in shame,

I see the school bus coming to my stop,
I see the open windows,from which many heads pop,
I think of you and my heartbeat goes fast,
Wonder if even one day I am gonna last,

Then I hear your voice, telling me to be good kid,
Telling me to be brave and things which I will need,
I smile at your touch and kiss you on cheeks,
In your arms I find the love I seek.

I know this is something I have not written in a long long time. Was just missing my Ma and phone nahi lag raha thaa….so Thought of writing something for her. 🙂 Love you Ma.

>Vacations Over


>…. : This is how I am feeling today…. Have you ever wondered why good times pass by so quickly while the bad ones seem to be here for ages? Same is the case with me. 2 weeks have passed so quickly. And now its time to be back to mumbai. I should be happy. I love that city. i am not “that” happy. I was just begining to enjoy my stay at home.

😦 I will sure miss my home this time. A rare occasion for me.

Anyways. See you all in Mumbai now….. If that’s the way it has has to be, so be it!

BTW…. I have hundreds of pics, thousands of jokes and uinnumerable experiences to share this time. Had quite a “moving” (literally) vacation this time. Travelled a lot and spent 5 consecutive nights at 5 different places, each atleast 300 Kms away from other….lol….

>:) Last day in Mumbai….


>Well…. I’d be leaving Mumbai today….lol…not what you are thinking… Its only temporary…. I will OBVIOUSLY return back….this is the city of my dreams…both broken and fulfilled…. Obviously I will return….few weeks at home… I am really looking forward to shed off some of the weariness I have put on in last 5-6 months….

I bet this one is going to be more than just a hometrip…. It will be fun……

and on top of all….I’ll be properly eating mangoes after 2 years…lol…yummmmm 😉

Home….sweet home…


>Well… I was lost…

Have said many bad things and and have thought too ugly of everyone when I realized that it was me who was making the situations worse by doing this to myself. So I have stopped now. And it feels calm. Peace atleast with myself. I do not need peace with others. I have stopped fighting with myself.

I am happy now. 🙂

I am going home, finally on 9th.

🙂


>Well… Its all a mess… Nothing seems to be moving … life literally sucks…. But am getting amused at this transition in my life… At a point, it used to be happening every moment…now its as static as the frozen ice at the top of a glacier. Still, calm, cold and dead looking; yet waiting for its moment to get in action and to take away everything that comes in its way. Well, I might not be too constructive in this thought, but I know the moment the glacier inside me starts moving, it won’t take it long to gain momentum and flush out this boring-ness and static-ness outta my system.

May be its the silence before the storm.
I want to be silent for a few more days….May be one more month. Then I can start some of the things I have in my mind for quite sometime now. I’d be having my new lappy and enough time with my self….At least by then I’d be back from my visit to home. I sure do not want to shock my parents with the “glacier”… They won’t understand it anyways…lol..

>My Ma


>Happy Mother’s Day Ma, though its a bit late…. Couldn’t post yesterday. I love you. 🙂

>Alone


>Long time. Nothing about story. I am sure the few odd visitors of this blog must have thought, “Another flash in the Pan!!! lol “.

Sorry, I have quit being a quitter.

Story time.

29th June 2001,Morning

I reached Ranchi and two days Papa was with me, I was living in the constant fear of parting with him. School will open only on 16th july, due to excessive heat that year(2001). I was disappointed to have come so early. I was missing ghar already a lot. I missed the nakhare I used to do at home. I knew by the feel of somethings, that gone were the days of the special treatment.

I missed my Ma. Most. She has been the only lady who has talked to me in the most gentle manner even when I shouted at her. No one, and READ IT LOUD, NO ONE HAS EVER TOLERATED ME AS MUCH AS THIS GREAT LADY. I am sorry Ma….sometimes I am not myself, or you can say, more of myself. 😀 I love you. You know na…??

Anyways… I missed my yester-life and was dying after knowing that Papa will be leaving on 30th…. 😦 Just one day?? We went shopping for me. School Dresses, Two jeans(some of my earliest ones) and a pair of Tees. I remember asking my cousin chiku about what to buy. I was a complete naive back then. I wish I could be as innocent as I was that day once more. Just for a day.

Then we went for bicycle. Hero DevilDX. My first MINE moving object. I was soooooo happy…silver metallic…solid one.. Just as i wanted. Chiku was jealous(I wasn’t so naive, You see!!)

30th June 2001

Papa left finally. I didn’t cry. I was silent. It seemed in that one moment when Papa disappeared into his compartment after train started, I grew up a bit. I was silent. I had so much to share but couldn’t. I had no one to share how i felt.

At that time, I never had an inkling that I will never have anyone to share how I felt.


>I was thinking. I was at it again. There were thoughts of insanity and a madness to do something again. In short, I was feeling lonely after a long long time. It might be due to the monotonous life I have been living for quite sometime now. Perhaps I need a change. I have wondered about this question a million times, “Why do I need a change every now and then?”, without a success with the answer. It happens all the time.

At first, I was afraid to go away from my home after class 10th. Thought I would not like the world. I did. I enjoyed Ranchi. I enjoyed company of my friends and my cousin. I enjoyed seeing the girl I loved. I enjoyed her smile, talking to her and her anger. I enjoyed it all. Then things happened. I was broken. I wanted to be back in my ever safe shelter, my home, Pusa. I didn’t enjoy Ranchi anymore.

I was in class 12 and wanted to go back to home ASAP the exams were over. I went home after the exams finished. I enjoyed “ghar ka khana” after a long long time for a long long time. i enjoyed the safe sanctuary of my parents where none could hurt my feelings and where all my wounds started to heal slowly.i started studying for Engineering entrances in a much more disciplined manner now. But met with little success. I had to face my parents and their
questioning glances all the time. My every action was being looked upon with a mixture of disgust and pity.

Then eventually I got bored of home!!! I wanted to break free and get a life of my own, ruled by my own rules(I am still fighting over this one). I wanted freedom. Seems it was too much to ask for a 17 year old boy. I wanted to get away from my home. And I wanted it badly. I really wanted freedom.

I succeeded one odd time in one of the exams. I got into a college. I started to enjoy the newly found freedom. I enjoyed the friends and girls. I started to enjoy a hell lot more than that. I enjoyed life. It was all perfect. Then came the monotonous and quiet part of the college. Campus selection and exams. Along with came poverty, with not enough in pockets to feed ourselves. Reason being the parties we have been throwing off late.

I was bored with my college life and I wanted a job. I wanted money and to enjoy it now. To get everything life could offer and to live my life to the fullest. College finished and I joined my job. I enjoyed the new place, big city, Mumbai. I enjoyed the thousands of bucks inflowing into my first ever bank account and I enjoyed the chicks here. I loved this life. I thought, “Yes! I wanted this all the time”. I was wrong.

I started to get bored in my job. I found out that its too tough to move up the ladder here, especially in this company. I wondered why I always wanted to be a software engineer. I discovered that despite being exceptionally good at maths, I was just average at programming. I started to hate this job which taught nothing and made a zombie out of me. I understood that this is not what I want. I got a new interest meanwhile.
MBA.

I wanted to get into a good MBA college now. I hated my job like hell. I wanted to quit. I waited due to the bond money. I prepared hard for one long year. I performed well in the mocks. I failed though, finally. Just 95.12%ile.
I was shattered. I started concentrating on my job again. I knew i had ignored it too long for not to be punished.

Eventually I got some calls and though I tried hard, failed to convert them. I lost the job too meanwhile.

I was sort of free now. The freedom I had always craved for. I enjoyed this too, but came to terms with hard fact that I am not earning anymore. I realised how hard it is to survive in a city like mumbai without earning. I started looking out for a job. I thought it will be easier, but it is not.

Now I am feeling very lonely and left out. And now I do realise some of the wrongs I have done in my life. I realise now that I should be more disciplined regarding myself and my life.

Still, there is a crazy Navi sitting inside my heart, wanting me to do the things I want to do and not what I should do.

I am confused. I am lost.


>It was like diwali, though it was hot humid summer!!! I will never forget the happenings of the day. Celebration at home, for I had scored highest all over in Pusa. I was on cloud 9. Guests were pouring in, hearing of the news and were congratulating my parents. It was like a festival. I gave my friends a mini-treat in the evening and was roaming out when I glanced at my watch. 7:30 pm. “Mar gaye! Itna late? Aaj to pukka daant padegi….”I accelerated my bicycle with this thought and reached home in less than 5 minutes(Pusa is a quite small place, you see). I was surprised to find so many people there. Some i knew, but mostly my father’s collegues and completely stranger to me. So I simply did namaste to all and after standing there for 10 minutes or so, excused myself to a glass of water and slipped back into my room.

Silence. I could literally hear my heartbeat. I knew my life will change from now on. I knew the value of this achievement. Little did I realize that there are changes in life which can ruin it too. I was a hopeless optimist back then too, as I am now. I waited for the guests to leave. Once it was just me and my family, I asked Ma,”Khana kya bana rahi ho?”. “Chicken” replied Ma. I was happy for the umpteenth time that day. Chicken was my favourite dish. Somethings never change… I still remember the discussions going on between Ma and Papa after talking to chacha. My cousin, Chiku had also passed with good scores. Apparently, chacha had asked Papa to send me to Ranchi for higher studies and Ma was against it! I then remembered that a month ago, at a gathering in our village for a function, chacha had told Papa to send me to Ranchi if I get good marks in the board examination. Papa had shown his interest too. “But that was one month ago!! I mean, … kehne se kya ho jata hai…I am not going anywhere”, I thought to myself. I was really scared of leaving the safe haven of my home and going out for studies to some unknown place. When I think of this fear now….I just smile to myself. 9 years away from home….Its been quite a while. I was never the homesick person I always thought I was…..lol


>12:45 pm

More than three hours had passed. University power had just restored after the transformer went boom. Three hours!!! We chatted about the tutions, syllabus, about how one can have bio+maths, and about girls. I thought to myself, “Why these guys always keep talking about girls and all that stuff? Don’t they have anything better to do?” I was really very shy of girls back then. And of a lot more things.

1:00 pm

Everyone was either joyous or morose. I was none. I was simply nervous, and like hell! Me and friends were crowding the ARIS cell of university. Some have seen their results and others were waiting. I was wondering, “What if i didn’t….?” Suddenly i heard a voice, “Navneet! Results aaya kya? ” I turned around and saw Papa standing there. My nervous face told him the answer. He said,”Ok chalo, I’ll handle it”. Pushing through the crowd, he got in the glass cabin which was not allowed for us students/outsiders. I saw he was talking with the official sitting inside and in two mins, I was standing next to the Internet enabled Desktop. 🙂

The score card read:-

Maths- 93
Science- 95
English- 85
Hindi -92
Social studies- 79

I turned to Papa and touched his feet. I had got 88.8% percent, higher than anyone in the whole Pusa. It was like something happening which I never even dreamt of even in my dreams! I went back to home and Ma also gave me my marks. Apparently, she gave my registration number to one of my elder cousins in Patna where internet was easily accessible. I was given a grand welcome at home….mithaai nd all… I was so happy that my family is happy because of me finally. AsI remembered, not very lonjg ago, jus in dec’2000-jan 2001 we faced a very tough time with my name being dragged in a case in school. The prinicipal’s son, who apparently studied in the same class, had accused me and one of my best friends as for abusing him and beating him up. Lol….I have never hurt anyone in the school unless I got in a very messy and dirty fight/argument. I took the entire exam under such pressure and fear of my papers being tampered with. But now that its done and over with, I had a big grin on my face, thinking of what must be going in that little bastard’s mind. I was happy.


>”Miku!, Kahan ho? Tumhaare dost bula rahein hain…”.These were the words i heard on the fateful morning of 28th May 2001, while i was having my morning bath. Having just returned from tutions( a tiring 4 hour affair from 5-9 in the morning), I literally jumped out of the bathroom and struggled with my clothes and the agarbatti in my hand…..”Its OUT!!! Miku jaldi aao…”,I could hear my friends shouting downstairs.With trembling hands and a very nervous heart, I took my bicycle keys and skipped the breakfast to join my friends. “Arre bhookhey pet kahan jaa raha hai???”, Ma shouted. “Ek din naashta nai karunga to mar nai jaaunga”, I thought to myself.

Vineet,Saurabh,Basant,Amitraj,Nishant,Saurabh and 30-40 other friends were waiting for me. It was confirmed, The results for CBSE Xth class examination 2001 were out. Apparently, someone from Muzzaffarpur has informed this sacred news. Everyone was tense and ecstatic at the same time. 40 bicycles on the narrow lanes of PUSA, seemed like we were going to loot some bank. Everyone was talking about how a guy got 82% and was looking for admission in a good school in Patna/Ranchi/Delhi.

I was puzzled! Why do they need to take admission in some other city? Pusa has all tutions! Nagendra Sir for Physics and Chemistry, Maths we can do our own or can ask some seniors and other people if we faced too much of difficulty. I am not going anywhere!!! I wondered how I would live away from my family, a guy who doesn’t take a glass of water by himself, how would such a dependent guy live alone? “Nah, papa mummy humko kahin nai bhezenge apne se durr!!! ” With this thought and firm belief in myself, I headed for Bank Chowk, the epicentre of almost every happening in Pusa.

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